What Really is Happening To Me!

A bit of humor makes things easier...

2009-06-11T19:36:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this on CafeMom today. I thought it was soooo funny!!! And so horribly right- I've dealt with both types of weddings in the past.

I hope you enjoy reading this!

White Wedding vs. Mexican Wedding

WHITES: Send out invitations.
MEXICANS: Send out maps.

WHITES: Receive their invitations 3 months in advance.
MEXICANS: Find out about the wedding 1 week before.

WHITES : Have seven Bridesmaids.
MEXICANS: Have seventy Padrinos.

WHITES: RSVP their invitation.
MEXICANS: Show up with three car loads.

WHITES: Go to the wedding AND the reception.
MEXICANS: Just go to the reception.

WHITES: Have elegant food.
MEXICANS: Have arroz, frijoles and birria.

WHITES: Order the cake from a bakery.
MEXICANS: Have their cake done by la senora down the street.

WHITES: Eat the food and cake.
MEXICANS: Eat the food and cake....... AND take some home para manana

WHITES: At the reception, they drink wine
MEXICANS: At the reception they drink Coors, Budweiser, Bud Light, Bud Ice, Corona , Tecate, Pacifico, Casadores, Patron, Presidente, 20 Jose Cuervo Gusano's, Reposado, etc...

WHITES: Relatives get drunk and pass out.
MEXICANS: Get drunk, shed a few tears and start singing to Vicente
Fernandez songs, fight ... then pass out.

WHITES: Dance at the party ... YEAH RIGHT!!!
MEXICANS: Dance at the party to Nortenas, Rancheras, Reggaeton, Rap, Old school, Oldies, House, and anything the D.J. plays

WHITES: Party ends at midnight.
MEXICANS: Party ends when the COPS show up at the banquet hall but
continue at someone's house afterwards for menudo 'til 6:00 a.m.

WHITES: Wake up the next morning NOT WANTING another beer.
MEXICANS: Wake up the next morning DRINKING another beer to cure the hang-over.

When did I loose control?

2009-05-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, I've seem to have lost control. I don't know who my husband is. I don't even know if I ever knew who he was. All I can remember is that he is a good man, wanting to do good and help people, and an amazing father.

Lately he's befriended people that make me wonder if I got something wrong somewhere along the line. He brings these people to my house, allows them to stay over, and introduces me to them. Most of these people I feel are good people as well, just they are in really bad places right now. I just can't allow the stuff they do to penetrate into my household. Is that wrong? My hubby wants to help them, but I don't know how he can.

He's starting to act like a teenager again, sort of like he was when we first got together. I'm trying to make positive changes in my life to help my family, but I'm not sure if he even understands what I am trying to do. When these people are here, I put on a face that I'm always happy or just down to earth. But honestly, I am not happy. I want to be. I ask him to have them leave early because of the kids, but he just says I can't. I don't understand why. He gets mad at me when I ask that. But I tell him to think of his kids.

I can hear some of the people outside right now. I want to be friends with most of them, but their lifestyle doesn't fit into mine. How can I be friends with people who are complete opposites of me? Just thinking about that makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can't please my husband, and I can't please everyone else either.

When did I loose that sense of control?

Gabriel Isaiah- Born September 15, 2008

2009-05-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm about 8 months late on this birth announcement, LOL! I've been dedicating my time to Gabriel, and my other two as well.

SO....

Gabriel Isaiah was born September 15, 2008 at 1:45 am. He weighed 9lbs 7 oz, and measured 21 inches!

His birth story is something that we'll treasure forever!

I had been anticipating his birth for quite a number of days, thinking that he would come about 2-3 weeks early since my daughter was 2 weeks early. As each day passed, I started to worry that I would be one of those women who would go past the due date! A friend of mine was due 3 days before me, and ended up a week overdue with her third. Another friend had been about two weeks overdue with her fifth! So I was starting to panic.

On Sunday, September 14, I called my dad. I hadn't spoken to him in a few months, so I had to call and say hi. We discussed a variety of things, but one topic stood out: when would I actually go into labor. My dad's birthday is September 20, and he said he wouldn't mind sharing his birthday with his grandson, lol! Well, about 1/3 of the way through the phone call, I started feeling a bit strange. Then the strangeness turned into a feeling of "pop" and then a bit of trickling. I cut our conversation short, saying that I had to go cook dinner, but that I would call him later in the week. Well, as soon as I got off the phone I said to my kids and to my SIL, "I think my water just broke!" It was a strange feeling. With my other two, I never had my water break until I was nearly fully dilated. So I call my husband and told him to hurry his butt home becasue I needed to go into the hospital. He thought I was joking and told me to call him back after I talk to the doctor, but I told him, "Just get your butt home NOW!!" As soon as I hung up with him, I called my doctor. Well, I called the nursing line at the hospital. The nurse that spoke to me said that if I thought my water had broken then I should come in to be checked. By the time I had my bag put together with the essentials (pj's for me and baby, blankets for baby, toothbrush, toothpaste, pads...) DH finally showed up. The kids were going crazy, jumping up and down saying "It's time!!! IT'S TIME!!" He still was not convinced. I said, "No rush. I still don't feel contractions close enough to worry, but I still need to go and be checked."

Oh, and when I felt my water break it was about 6:30pm. DH arrived at the house by 7:15, and we were out the door by 7:30. At that time, contractions were about every 15-20 minutes. Before that, I had been experiencing contractions on and off for two months, so I was pretty much ready for them. We stopped for gas and snacks for the kids on the way, and arrived at the hospital a little after 8pm.

By the time I checked in, I was feeling contractions a bit closer. About ever 10-12 minutes. The nurse checked me with a little alkaline strip to check for amniotic fluids. The test came out positive which meant that, yes, my water had indeed broke. I was given two options. One, go home and wait and come back when my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart; or two, stay. I was afraid that I wouldn't get back in time, so I said "Stay!" Because my water had broken, the midwife asked if she could put me on pitossin to try and help speed things up. I didn't know that you run the risk of infection once your water breaks before hard labor starts. I agreed, and she started me on a very low dosage of pitossin. I don't know how low it was, but it was enough to get those contractions from every 10-12 minutes to every 2-4 within an hour!

Then they started to get intense. At 11pm I was bouncing on the birthing ball, starting to feel some pain from the contractions, so I called for the midwife. "I need something to take the edge off," I told her. I was determined to go completely natural, but at this point I had to have something to ease my pain. Not eliminate it completely, mind you, but ease it to a tolerable level again. BUt because I wanted some pain medication, the midwife had to check to see how dilated I was. I hadn't been checked at all before this moment because of the risk of infection. I was suprised to find out that I was already at 7cm!! So from 6:30 when my water broke to a little after 11pm, I went from who knows what to 7cm. DH had no clue what to think, and asked if that meant he could still go home and rest before it was time. HA. I had to explain to him, and the nurse and the midwife had to explain again immedieatly after me, that going from 7 to complete could be anywhere from 30 minutes to 8 hours, and you never know because each woman and each pregnancy is so different. He assumed that everyone was the same. Whatever. lol.

I was glad I got some pain meds. After that, they really got intense. Both kids were sleeping on the couches in the room by midnight. But they didn't get much time to sleep because a little after 1am...

I grabbed DH's hand and said, "It's time, I need to push!" It was surreal. I cannot honestly recall DS#1's birth or DD's birth in such detail. I had the urge to push, and the midwife just said, OK then start pushing, as she calmly started to gown up and get ready. I wouldn't do anything until she was ready and sitting at the foot of my bed. As soon as she was there, I said "Now!" 5-8 pushes later, Gabriel is born!! The whole time I'm pushing, DD has my hand and is saying "Keep up the good work mom, you can do it, keep up what you are doing, don't stop!" Ok. She's not even 9 at this point. DS#1 just says, "go mom, go!" He's a month away from turning 11. DH was trying not to pass out from lack of sleep!

I am so grateful that my kids were allowed to play an active role in bringing thier little brother into the world. They will forever remember this day, and have said many times since, that they appreciate me more because they now understand what I went through to have them. But more than that, they have an attatchment to thier younger brother that I never experienced.

And now, it's off to bed to nurse Gabriel!!

#$*#%$ Apartment manager!!

2008-08-26T20:57:00.001-07:00

Do you think this guy is in his right to do this??

Ok, today my kids were outside the apartment playing. My son was playing soccer, well just passing the ball back and forth with his friends, and my daughter had been riding her bike with her friends. Well, about 6:30 my son comes inside and tells me that the manager just took his soccer ball away, told him that he can no longer play outside, and threw his sister's bike, along with three other bikes, into the garbage.

WHAT??

So I asked the kids to calm down and explain to me what they were doing when the manager came by. My daughter had just set her bike down, propped against the fence of the building to get something inside her friends house when the manager came by. My son saw the manager pick up her bike, and the other bikes, and toss them into the garbage bin. Then the manager told my son to hand over the soccer ball, and then he drove off with his ball.

I called the police to file a report. Of course, a police officer called me back and said that he couldn't do anything because the apartment complex was a privately owned area, and that the manager was in his right to do whatever he felt was necessary if any apartment rules were being broken. One of my neighbors also called the police and the officer ended up coming out to the apartments. We were told that basically, the police have no jurisdiction over the apartment complex because it is a privately owned property, and that the resident manager has the right to do whatever he wanted to because he was the person in charge of the property.

Something else- Before I called the police, I called and left a message on the manager's cell phone. I said I wanted to talk to him immediately because I was upset and I wanted to know what had happened. 20 minutes after I called him, and about 5 minutes after I called the police, he drives up to the building. I said, "Sorry, but I actually don't think I should talk to you right now because I am so mad at what has happened, and I have already called the police." He just said "ok fine" and then peeled off- and by peeled off I mean drove away going well over the posted speed limit of 10mph.

I mentioned that to the police officer, and he just shrugged and said that he cannot enforce the speed limit on private property. Ok, and this police is a traffic officer. I'm not fully understanding this at all.

First of all, there has been an ongoing problem with this particular manager. I've lived in this apartment for over 2 years now and have not had one personal dispute with the manager until this very day. I have many hispanic friends that live here as well, but they all have had many disputes with the manager over the last few years. The main problem is that the manager has been extremely disrespectful and often times downright abusive in dealing with kids. These last couple of months the manager has suddenly decided to drive or walk around the complex and tell the kids they are not allowed to play outside. My son has complained to me on numerous occasions that the manager told him to go inside. My friends have also told me that the manager has done the same to thier children. Children need to be outside, riding thier bikes, playing tag, etc, not inside becoming couch potatoes. The apartment complex has no play ground for the children. On the side of the complex where I live there are signs posted that say "Caution- children at play" On the side of the complex where the manager lives there is a sign that says "no skateboarding, rollerblading, bicycle riding, etc" There is no sign whatsoever that says that on this end of the complex. Our complex is basically divided into to areas, with two separate entrances and exits. In between each area is the office, pool, and tennis court. The only way to get from one area to the other is to walk.

Well, when the police officer arrived to talk to me and my neighbor who also called the police, he seemed annoyed that we called him for a civil problem. We walked him to the apartment manager's apartment and the officer briefly talked to the manager to fnd out what happened. The manager told him he has repeatedly told everyone to not block the common areas with the bikes, and that he has had way to many problems with bikes being left laying around, seemingly abandoned. He claimed that my daughter's bike and the others were blocking the driveway. He also claims that the fire department has been out multiple times for inspections recently and has given the manager multiple warnings about blocked fire acess, etc due to tennants bikes and other stuff. It's supposed to be in our contract that we cannot block common areas, cannot leave items in the breezeway of the buildings, etc. Ok I understand that. But the bicycles were not blocking the driveway and were not in anyway left haphazardly in the path that people need to walk, and were certainly not left abandonded.

Now with the case of my son and the soccer ball- the manager told the officer that the boys were hitting the cars with the soccer ball. Did he just insinuate that the boys were doing that on purpose and that is why he took the ball away from them? I'd understand if that was the case. However, shouldn't I have been notified immediately by the manager if my kids were doing something wrong? My kids would never purposely hit a car with the ball. When I asked my son about that he said they were just playing and the ball had accidentally hit one car at the same time the manager was throwing the bicycles into the garbage. You play with a ball, soccer or anything else, and of course the ball won't always stay where you want it to go, and could hit a car or someone. Everyone knows that.

Now the manger also told the officer that in our contract/lease it states that children must be supervised while they are outside. He actually said that in a different manner, which the officer interpreted that the kids are not allowed outside ever unless an adult is with them at all times. Umm, ok. You can supervise your kids from your apartment. You don't need to be watching them like a hawk or be standing there where they are playing or following them wherever they go to play. I can hear my kids and know where they are and know what they are doing. They can hear me from the apartment if I call them. I can see out my bedroom window what they are doing. I can stand on my balcony and watch them do stuff. My kids are not left alone with no parental supervision whatsoever. I am a responsible parent. Now, some of the other kids on the other hand are not supervised whatsoever. In fact, thier parents assume without actually getting my consent that I am watching their kids for them.

Oh I am so mad still, and it's been 3 hours since this all started. I've called the landlord and tenant dispute office and the property managment office and left messages. I will be calling them back in the morning to talk to someone before they can call me back.

If I go into labor tomorrow or this evening, then the manager will have to pay my bills for me since it is his fault. I can't even think anymore about this and cannot keep writing because I'm so angry.

What a wild weekend I had!

2008-08-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm exhausted!! It was a long and wild, but extremely fun weekend for me!

Friday I lots of stuff to do to prepare for my baby shower. But I had an appointment in the morning, so went to that. IT was just a new mother's group that was forming, and so we just hung out and talked about our kids. not everyone showed up, but I think I'm the only one that is pregnant in the group. There were quite a few newborns there too, including twin girls that were 2mo. DD was just ecstatic to see all those babies!!

Then I decided that it was time to get my hair cut, so I did that. And of course DD wanted to get her's cut as well, so I relented and allowed her to get it cut. They took of a little more than half the length, but that is what she wanted. Actually, she wanted it short and layers like how I did mine, but since her hair is fine, I told her that layers wouldn't work as well on her hair. She settled for short (just below the shoulders) and barely layered. And she looks good!! It's been a long time since she has had short hair, about 3 or four years now.

Then we got some shopping done and ordered the cake for my baby shower and picked up some decorations.

Saturday I took both kids out for lunch to Subway. Then we came home and I had them help me gather laundry and help me wash some clothes. DH called me around 3:30 to say to be ready at 5pm to go to a birthday party of a friends- I was just starting the laundry. Well, we ended up leaving the house after 6pm, because I wanted to shower, but had to wait for the towels to dry.

Well, guess what?? That birthday party ended up being a surprise baby shower for me!!! I'm amazed that DH was able to surprise me!! He's never done that before. IT was a blast. We didn't leave my friends house until midnight. Towards the end of the night we played a game of cards that I had never played before, and it must have been my lucky day because I won $24 from the game!

So then Sunday morning rolls around and we are all tired, but we still had tons of stuff to do. I had to go to Costco and get plates, napkins, silverware, and drinks for the planned baby shower, and a few tablecloths. By about 4pm I was at the pool setting up for the party. People started showing up around 5:30. The food finally arrived about 6pm.

I tell you again, I'm exhausted today, but very happy. I never had a baby shower with my first two kids, so this was one of the best weekends I've had. I'll post some pics later this week when I'm not so tired.

As if I needed anything else to worry me...

2008-08-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

I just found out last night that my dad had a heart attack on Tuesday.

His girlfriend emailed me to let me know. Supposedly he has been feeling "yucky" for the last few days and thought it was just because of his elevated blood sugar levels. Well then Tuesday evening he said he had felt heavy weight on his chest, and then sharp pain that lasted about 10-15 minutes, but then went away. He didn't think anything of it until she talked to him the next day. So he went into his doctor yesterday and they did an EKG, which didn't show anything, and drew some blood, which showed elevated levels of something that indicated that he had a heart attack. So his DR sent him straight to the emergency room for more tests. Sure enough, the tests revealed that he did have a heart attack, but they are not sure if it was one big event or a series of smaller ones. So he was transferred to another hospital to get a heart catheter put in place. He'll have that procedure done this morning around 11am.

I'm a little scared. He's approaching his 70's- his birthday is September 20 and I think he'll be 66 or 67 this year (can't remember). But he's always made light of his health for as long as I can remember. I so want to go visit him, but 1. I can't fly right now, 2. I'm so close to my due date that I run the risk of going into delivery up there, and 3. it's about a 10-12 hour drive. He's in a hospital outside of Portland, OR. My sister is closer, she's in Portland, but I don't know if she's going to be able to see him since she doesn't drive. He normally goes to visit her once a week or every two weeks, and has been helping her out a little financially while she is in school. So I'm a little worried about her as well. She's 25, so I know she's capable of taking care of herself. Its just that she's my little sis!

I couldn't sleep last night after reading that email. I'm going to try and call him this afternoon at the hospital and see how he is.

Still hanging in there!

2008-08-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a follow up appointment with the psychiatrist to see how I've been doing on the Zoloft. I'm proud to say that I no longer feel like crying everyday. So far that's the only good change that has been noticeable to me. Side effects, on the other hand: I am sweating more, and did get very drowsy if I took the pill in the morning. I ended up taking it before bed after about a week and a half on it, because I would fall asleep during the middle of the day. Well, I'm sleeping better at least now!!! LOL! And the sweating I thought was a result of the warmer days we've been having here, but the DR said that it probably was a side effect of Zoloft. I guess I'm ok with that. If those are the worst side effects I will get, then I think this will be fine. The only thing is that we agreed to try and up the dose because I'm still not as happy as I would like to be. So I will start taking 100mg instead of 50. I'll try and see how that goes. I'll start tonight with the increased dosage.

I'm now 5 weeks away- 35 weeks and 1 day down, 34 days to go until baby!!! I'm starting to get a little nervous because there is a possiblity that it could be sooner. I have my regular visit with the midwife next Wednesday the 20th, and then I've scheduled a tour of the hospital to pre-register for the next evening the 21st. If only I could get the kids and DH to help out more right now, I wouldn't have so much to worry about! Laundry has piled up again, and I need to wash a few of the new baby clothes I have, along with the car seat cover... still no crib, but I did put one on my registry list at Baby Depot @ Burlington Coat Factory and I also have a registry at Target as well. My mom does have a moses basket for me that I will use until I do have a crib. I hope that either someone gets me the one I put on my registry, or we get the money to get it ourselves- it's a convertible crib! It can be converted into a toddler bed with bedrails, and then a twin bed with headboard and footboard when he's outgrown the toddler bed! I so wish we had gotten one when DS was little!

Depression Blues

2008-07-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

This week I was diagnosed with ante-partum depression, and prescribed Zoloft. I've had depression for a number of years now, but have never tried to get help. A few things that have happened in the last year triggered more of a downfall for me, and getting pregnant didn't make it better. I just started this week actually taking the medication. At this point in my pregnancy the doctor said that there were less risks to the fetus from the medication because his brain is pretty much developed as well as everything else. If I had started on the meds earlier, there would be a higher risk of developmental delays and such, but even then those are still not 100% certain. I felt that any risks would be outweighed by the benefits to me. I just want to be happy, and feeling comfortable with this pregnancy and not get worse when he is born. My dr also said that not getting the help and medication could be more detrimental to the health of my baby.

Since I've never taken any medication before to treat depression, I was put on 50mg to start, and told about all the possible side effects. I pretty much knew what to look for because I've done tons of research on the net about available medications and such. I was always afraid that nothing would ever work for me, or I would be one of the unusual cases of severe side effects. But again, at this point I just need to be feeling better. I have tons of other problems going on at home, and I want to straighten those out as well, but I can't if I'm not mentally well. So that is my top priority- get myself well so I can deal with other things. Also, as long as I am well, I know that my baby will be well.

Last journal entry from July 7

2008-07-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

Now since this is the last journal entry I did, I think I feel comfortable enough to continue with the normal postings!!

I've been feeling very nauseated the last few days. I'm not getting the "Morning sickness" again. I've known others who got sick again the last trimester, but I don't want to deal with that.

Saturday I had a really bad cramp, but it was on the right side of my belly. It felt like the charlie horse I had in my leg- made me want to faint and nearly throw up. That was really weird and scary. It lasted about 5-10 minutes. I had another on my left side the next day, but it was very light, not like the first.

My appointments are now every two weeks. As of today I'm 30 weeks. I am also going to a Lamaze class with DH every Thursday night. Last week, July 3, was the first. It was interesting. I understand more about what is going on in my body and why I'm getting the aches and pains I do. I think DH was glad I made him come as well.

Well, since that first class, we were unable to go back. DH couldn't get off work in time and has been coming home by 8 or 9pm. He wants to get as many hours in as possible so we can try and start saving money again, plus he wants to be able to pay off a few debts before the baby is born. The most important debts we want to get rid of are the bank debts. We'll see if we make it!

Also, my doctor said that my side cramps were probably my uterine ligaments cramping up. I honestly have not done much exercise this time around, and it's getting harder to walk around. This entire pregnancy has been very different from the first two. I continue to have side cramps, but I'm trying to do some extra stretches every day. I feel stupid not to have continued my workouts at Curves, but it's too late to change things now.

Journal post from June 13

2008-07-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm starting to think it's too much. A friend has been helping me with organizing my life- starting with the visual mess. First, she, along with my SIL, went through my room throwing away whatever looked like trash to them and putting all the clothes into bags to be washed. What is happening here is overwhelming me so much I can't even write about it. And DH is acting like he doesn't care what is going on.

I needed the help really, I did, but this is too fast. And DH not being at home to help me or even just so I can talk to him about my feelings is not making this easier.

I'm not dealing with this well. Today my SIL helped organize the closets. She also decided that the living room needs to be rearranged and moved the furniture around. I hate it.

Well, after all that, I never tried to move the furniture back. It's still the same. Only what I'm trying to do is convince DH to get rid of the sectional he brought home, because it's taking up so much room in the living room, plus it's really nasty dirty now. And it's falling apart,and I cannot sit on it because it's so low to the ground, that's how old it is. He only brought it home because he thought we needed a new couch. Well, we sort of do, but not an old, falling apart, dirty couch. New is new, and that's what we really need. Maybe I can convince him this weekend that we really don't need it in the living room, especially since we need to have as much room as we can for the baby...

Update on post from May

2008-07-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

I wanted to go back and update the situation I wrote about in this post.

First my SIL. She decided to move back to her apartment after about six weeks. At first, her ex was supposed to move out and claimed he would help pay the rent until she could find a job and/or get housing. Well, guess what? Stupid her allowed him to move back with her. After everything that happened between them, I had a sneaking suspicion that would happen, but she doesn't want me to tell her brother otherwise he'd get really pissed. I wouldn't blame him either. DH really hates that guy for what he's done to his sister. Anyway, the only good out of this is that my SIL decided that she would allow my niece to come live with us temporarily so that she can stay in school here. All my SIL needs to do now is to get some papers signed giving DH and I legal temporary custody of our niece allowing her to live with us and deal with anything that happens in school. She better hurry because school starts in 3 weeks.

Now to the immigration problem.

We got there and were told that we wouldn't be interviewed like they originally said we would. Turns out the judge already had his desicion. His explanation was that because he is only an admistrative judge for immigration he does not have the authority to base his decisions on anything other than the written fact. Therefore, he had to deny DH's petition to cancel removal proceedings. Here's the catch: we still had the right to appeal. So we said we'll appeal. Which means another year at least that DH can stay legally working until we hear from the appeal court. If that desicion is still a no, we have the right to appeal again to the 9th circuit court. Our lawyer said that we are lucky that we are living in CA because in any other state, the judges ruling would have no appeal possible.

What this means for us is another $3000 out of pocket, another year of waiting, and the possiblity that we will have to do another appeal. We've spent already $6000 on the case. Dont' get me wrong- it's worth the time and money if it means we still have a chance at a normal life together, but it's money we really don't have lying about, KWIM?

Next journal entry from Feb. 26

2008-07-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

My first sonogram was yesterday. That showed that I'm 11 weeks. But it doesn't make sense. Dec 26 was the only day I could have possibly conceived. I should be at 9 weeks. But the nurse said that the sonogram is the most accurate, more so than counting from the start of your last period. So what does that mean? I don't know. Do I want to? Who knows.

I had a nice conversation with my dad today. It's been nearly 5 mo since I've talked to him. It was comforting. I miss him and my sister. She's been working at Costco part-time, dancing three nights a week, and taking classes at Portland U. I have yet to talk to her but she seems busier than I am. Dad sees her every few weeks, helps her with groceries, but he says she's really happy. I'll talk to her soon.

Maybe one of the most interesting things that dad told me was that he forgave my mom for the things that she did that led him to want a divorce. I still don't understand the full details but I honestly don't want to know. I know enough. He's found his peace with God and said he felt the need to forgive her. I guess that's good. Now it's up to my sister to reach the same point. Dad says she still thinks that mom will burn in hell for everything. I don't know what to say to her.

What I didn't write down was that because of the ultrasound my due date was changed. When I first went in, they based my due date calculated on the first day of my last period- making my due date September 25. Then I go in for the next appointment with the ultrasound, the measurements of the fetus were at 11 weeks, instead of the 9 I thought I had. A few days after that, I finally got the nerve to call and talk to one of the nurses and ask why there was such a discrepancy. For some reason when they calculate based on the menstrual cycle they have more potential of getting the date wrong. So they always check the ultrasound for confirmation. Whatever the ultrasound measures, then that is what they go with. What that means is that my due date was changed to September 15. The nurse said it's fairly common for the due date to change based on the ultrasound. Well, we'll see what really happens!!!

Journal entry from February 18!!

2008-07-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

Well, this entry was made the old fashioned way, with a pencil and a piece of paper. At that time both my computers were down, no internet, and I was flat on my back, as you will see...

I should be blogging, but since I don't have internet for now I will just write the old fashioned way- Boy already my hand is cramping!

I've been sick for the last two weeks- for some reason it seems like the month of February always starts off with me sick. Anyway it started Monday the 4th. I cam home from school shivering uncontrollably, so I lied down on the couch with a blanket and tried to sleep. I'm pretty sure I had a fever. I ended up sleeping pretty much all day for the next two weeks.

Friday the 8th I had a DR's appointment that lasted a couple hours. So that was the only day I went out that week.

Now I have my appetite back, mostly. Lost of things are different this time. Any smell of cooking meat makes me nauseaus. I wasn't like that with either kid, so we'll see what happens over the next few months. I've also been getting strange cramps, bu only in the evenings and only every few days. I hope it's just "growth spurts."

My next appointment is tomorrow- early at 8:30am.

To top it all off, I was throwing up daily for those two weeks. I couldn't tell if that was flu related or pregnancy related, but I'm sure it was a combo of both. I ended up loosing almost 15lbs because I couldn't eat anything other than a few saltine crackers. Of course, once I was able to eat again, it came back right away.

Great news (for me at least)

2008-07-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

I'm finally able to get into my blog to update without fear of my computer shutting down on me during the middle of a post!

I spent $300 on having my laptop repaired- there was a virus or two, the internal fans needed to be replaced so the computer would not overheat and shut itself down, and the computer guys had to do a complete back up, remove everything and re-install everything. Now the darn AC Adaptor isn't charging my battery properly, and the battery won't stay charged as long as it should. I could perhaps buy another couple of batteries, but how in the heck would I charge them back up?? And the computer guy said to replace the connection for the AC Adaptor would be about another $300! I might as well buy a whole new darn laptop. :(

At least I finally got my desktop fixed!!! WHOOHOO! That only cost $165 total to fix. I had to have the power source replaced. And the internet finally works on it as well!!

So that's what I mean by not having to worry about the computer shutting down on me in the middle of a post- I have my desktop up and running, and I won't be using my laptop for the time being. I'm going to try and save up for a new one. Who knows how long that will take!

I think I will also post some of my journal entries that I did when I didn't have a working computer at all. Someday I'll be glad I did!!

Stressing times

2008-05-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

Only 6 more days until DH and the rest of us have to be in San Diego for his court date.

I'm a nervous wreck.

I have so many fears going into this: my main one is that he will be taken away and deported directly from the courtroom. I can't bear to think about what that would do to the kids, let alone what would happen to me and the baby.

I just can't focus on anything right now other than praying for a positive outcome to this mess.

And as if I had enough to stress me out, there's more!

My sister in law decided a week ago that she was going to finally leave her cheating, lying, drunk, and drug dealing/using boyfriend of 6+ years. But of course, where can she go??? She comes to live with us! If she was by herself, I'd have no problems, but the stresser is that she has three kids. My niece is the same age as my son, 10.5, but I also have two very young nephews- a 2.5yo and an 11mo.

And they are all staying in the living room.

What is even more disturbing to me is the way she handles them and what she does to them when she is angry. Just the other day, she got angry at the 2.5yo and literally threw him across the living room. Then today, my niece got her angry and she did the same to her, but caused my niece to fall on top of the 2.5yo. He started crying so much that he threw up. And my niece couldn't stop crying for an hour afterwards.

I understand that she is under tons of stress, partly in denial that she's single again, and still trying to cope with two little kids. She yells too much at all three of them- and get's mad at the 11mo for doing things a normal 11mo does, but she tries to treat him like he's much older and wiser. Actually, it's the same for all three of them- she treats them like they should be at least 3-5 years older than they really are.

But getting to the point that she throws her children across the room, and in front of me and my two kids and their friends is a bit much.

Oh, and if I as so much as yell at my kids or throw a pillow or piece of clothing at my kids, she threatens to call CPS on me. But if I say anything to her she responds with "yeah and you can get into trouble with what you do too!" Huh? I've never actually hit my kids or thrown them like that.

And did I mention that I'm stressed out with this pregnancy??

ARGH!

I have too much to do, so I'll have to stop typing. I have to sort laundry and help hubby clean the room. More stress, but it needs to be done. Sigh.

Extremely interesting book to read

2008-05-24T21:21:00.001-07:00

Quite a few years ago, my mom gave me a book to read about motherhood. Of course, I never read it.

That is until now.

I decided to start reading it yesterday, and even though I'm only 25 pages into the book (about 1/6 of the way through), I've enjoyed what I've read. To top it off, I've encountered a few possible reasons why I'm feeling as depressed as I've been.

The book is called Motherhood-What it does to your mind, by Jane Price. As I continue reading I am trying to jot down notes and key phrases that stick out in my head as reasons for my problems. It is extremely mind boggling, and I've just scratched the surface, but I may be able to understand myself a bit more by reading this book.

I guess I can now thank my mom for giving me the book.

Update to my Baby Name List!

2008-05-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

I've added a few more names to my list:

Gabriel
Isaiah
Noah
Logan
Nicholas
Alexander

Now I'm starting to put a few together to see what works!!

Logan Nicholas
Logan Isaiah
Gabriel Alexander
Noah Alexander

Just starting to put ideas down. Who knows what we will really do. We still have nearly 4 months to decide!!

I need to shift my focus from my stress, so that's why I'm looking at names again.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY (a day late)

2008-05-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

A fellow mother sent this to me (and a group of other moms) yesterday for mothers day- I thought I'd share with everyone!

MOTHERS and MOMS

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms,

wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,

'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes .

And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars. And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they cou ld say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight, Moon' twice a night for a year. And then read it again, 'Just one more time.'

This is for all the mothers who taught heir children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only o get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway?

Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?

The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and

sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache she feels when she watches her son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is and hug her child when she hears news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper

changes and sleep deprivation...

And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us...

Hang in there. In the end we can

only do the best we can. Tell them

every day that we love them. And pray

and never stop being a mother...

Please pass along to all the mothers in your life.

'Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall.'

Please pass this to a wonderful mother you know.

(I just did!)

I need mental help.

2008-05-10T15:19:00.000-07:00

I'm depressed.

I'm upset.

I'm angry.

I'm sad.

I'm confused.

I'm an uncomfortable mix of emotions right now.

It's not just due to being pregnant- everyone knows that pregnancy causes you to be more emotional than normal, but this is ridiculous.

Today I wanted to scream, throw things, hit the wall, go for a long walk off a short pier, call everyone as many crappy names as I could think of, eat nothing but chocolate, turn myself into a fish and just sit in the tub for the rest of my life...

I have no support. I have no friends. Well, that last one is not entirely true. I do have very few friends that I can trust and talk with about anything, but none of them live remotely close to me. I don't have any local friends is what I should have said. DH doesn't want to sit and listen to me. The girls I hang out with are not the trustworthy type and if I did tell them how I was feeling then nasty rumors would start circulating about me and my family.

What am I to do??

The one person I really want to talk with is in a temporary communication blackout because she is moving. I don't even know when she will be reconnected to the communication world.

Sigh.

All I can do right now is dig myself into the internet and chat on the forums, write a blog post, and listen to music.

I don't want to be so alone right now. It's the worst sort of loneliness: to have so many people around you, living with you, and still be lonely. This would probably be called severe post-partum depression, but I still have 4 more months until I actually have my baby- so what would you name this type of depression at this point??

I'm so scared and worried about what will happen with DH in June. That's one problem. I'm also annoyed that no one in my household has lifted a finger since February to help with cleaning the living room or kitchen. And I've been asking for help since February to clean out and get rid of all the clothes we don't need in our bedroom-you can't even walk in there without stepping on clothing and the kids toys and garbage. Of course, DH says it's all my fault. How in the hell can it be my fault when I cleaned and then two day's later it's a mess again with all of DH and the kids clothes thrown all over the floor? And I have been asking them for YEARS to help me keep things neat, but do they listen?? NOOOOOO!

Ok, yes I'm lazy. But I do get things done. At this point however, I can't do it by myself, and that's what they don't seem to get. DH claims I never ask for help- yet he won't help me after I've been asking for help for the last 6 months. And of course the kids are worse. DH says I am expecting too much from them. Give me a break. They are 8 and 10. Certainly old enough to wash thier own dishes, do a load of laundry, and pick up thier own mess. DH is worse than them. All he does is spend his time watching TV, sleeping, and drinking with his friends- when he is not working that is. So he shouldn't be complaining that I spend too much time on the computer. If he would be more proactive in helping me and showing the kids that as well, then I wouldn't be spending so much time online. I need some way to escape from the real world, just like he does. He should be glad I'm not like some of his friend's wives, who go out to bars and drink the night away.

Enough. I'm getting even more pissed just writing all of this down.

I need more help than I'm getting, and I don't see any hope for the future the way things are going. :(

Naming the baby...

2008-05-08T18:27:00.000-07:00

I'm looking for a name for the baby. We're expecting a boy.

Here's what is on our list so far for first names:

Gabriel
Isaiah

I'll keep adding to the list as we get closer to the end of August.

But our criteria is a bit strange: DH wants a biblical name, but I want something that is culture neutral, meaning something that works well in english as well as spanish or has a similar name in english and in spanish. Example- Daniel is Daniel, but pronounced different. Marie can be Maria. I don't know if there are other names in that category, but that is what I prefer. I think those first two names on the list are in that cagtegory.

Help me come up with more boy names!!!

Update time!!!

2008-04-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, first I'll address my last blog post. I've really not had a chance to do anymore searching. But I will be starting up really soon due to a few changes in my life since I last posted. So, in answer to the comment from that post- no I have not found anything. Here's why:

Since my last post many things have happened in my life. December was a fairly busy month with the kids. At the end of the month we had our phone service disconnected. Then two weeks later in January I had my internet and cable service disconnected. On top of all that, our cell phones were disconnected. 2008 really did not start on a happy note. :o(

Then towards the end of January I went to the doctor to take a pregnancy test- which came out positive!!! By that time I had already started to feel major nausea. February was awful, with nausea so severe that I lost 15lbs. Thankfully I recovered both my weight along with my appetite. My due date is September 15. Just last Monday I had my sonogram and we found out that we're expecting another boy!

By early February I finally got a new cell phone. I decided to go with MetroPCS, which I had about 5 years ago. I'm glad I decided to get that phone. It's much easier to deal with the payments, DH is not complaining that I'm using too many minutes anymore, and I actually get better reception than I ever did when I had Verizon.

At the beginning of this month of April we finally got phone, internet and tv back, but we switched to AT&T services. The internet is just as fast as Comcast ever was, and I love having the Dish Network!!! More channels to see!!! AND we're paying less than we did when we had Comcast. For all three services our total monthly bill comes to $130 (including tax), where the bill with Comcast would have been closer to $200 (with the same type of services). And then as a bonus, we are getting a discount on Dish for signing up for a 2 year contract. Well, the discount is during specific months, but still- it's worth it!!

Everyone in our house is happy now. But we still have a few dark clouds hanging over our heads. The immigration thing is the worst right now. The final court date is June 4. Our entire future is dependent on the outcome of that day. I'm just scared that they will deport DH that day, and I will be stuck in San Diego with the kids the week before they get out of school. My other worry is that he won't be around come September when I will need him the most. *Sigh* I really don't need to be in this state of worry and depression right now.

I started searching...

2007-10-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

A friend told me about a website that helped people search for information and people with relation to adoptions. So I went on there and registered and input all the info I have about my birth mom. We'll see what happens.

I was also reading this weeks' People mag and there is an article in there about reunions that have happened thanks to myspace and a couple of other internet based groups. I may search there as well.

But for the time being, I'm going to take it slow. It's an emotional thing. I don't want to take chances of big dissapointments, but I'm ready for that anyway.

My head is spinning!!

2007-10-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

Boy oh boy... life is coming at me fast!! So many things are going on in my life, and I've not had much time at all to come and write it all down! But here's the most significant thing that is happening to me right now:

Out of some strange conversation that I was having with my mom, I come to find out that she has always had my adoption papers close at hand. Ok. No big deal right? I've known ever since I could remember that I was adopted. Here's the stunning part- my mom told me that she knows the name of my birth mother, and that the adoption was an "open adoption."

WHAT????

Ohhhh kaaaaaay.... taking a deep breath. Now, a small disclaimer here- open adoptions now are truly open, meaning the birth mother gets to visit with the child if she wants to, and the adoptive parents are willing to allow that.

Well, back when I was born, in 1978, an open adoption just meant that my adoptive parents would know the name of my birth parents, and that's it. If there was any communication it was only through the lawyers.

So what did I do? I asked my mom if I could have the papers. She said, sure. She knew that someday I would want to look at them. And she was right.

So, now I'm debating whether or not I should actually search for my birth mother. She used to live really close. And I have an older brother out there as well, who is 4 years older than me. AND out there somewhere I have another sister, 2 years older, who was also given up for adoption.

I'm a little stupefied right now. And boy does that full moon look beautiful out there tonight!!! Maybe that's why I feel so overwhelmed!

What should I do????

Sick, again.... ugh!!

2007-02-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

And I blame it all on my mom.

We went to her house last Thursday night to go see a play. Since we live an hours bus ride away from my mom, we stayed the night there.

After being there for a few hours I started to feel itchy all over. Mostly on my neck and scalp. I also started sneezing. Alot.

My mom woke my kids up at 5am, who then woke me up at 5:30 so we could catch a 6:45 bus to get home in time for them to get to school. I was feeling pretty out of it by then.

All day Friday I couldn't stop sneezing, and scratching my head. What the heck was wrong with me???

Saturday I felt feverish. I didn't check, but I was hot and sweating all day. I took my son to a birthday party at the arcade in the mall, which didn't help my head at all. By the time I got home I felt so bad that I just went to bed early.

Sunday morning, my left ear was bright red and starting to swell up. And my head was still itching uncontrollably. AND I had what seemed like the flu. I had to go buy some Benadryl to stop my itching. It was horrible.

Monday I woke up and my ear looked like Dumbo. And my lips were swollen as well. I started to freak out. What I had was scarily similar to my staff infection I had in April of last year on my leg. I called my sister-in-law, who said she would be over as soon as she got her son changed. Four hours later I'm half asleep on the couch, still waiting for her, and it's almost time for the kids to get out of school. I called her and told her to forget it (my nephew had fallen asleep supposedly).

Tuesday I just slept all day, taking benadryl every six hours. That stuff makes me very sleepy. But it seemed to help. I didn't feel the need to scratch anymore. And the swelling was starting to go down.

Wednesday I looked better, but wasn't feeling that much better. My ear looked fairly normal, but still slightly swollen. My lips were peeling. Ouch. Thank goodness for the lotion I have. I think that did the trick with my lips. I honestly have no idea what the heck I had there. At least I felt well enough to go to my important Cub Scout meeting. Well, I hardly made it through the meeting but at least I went.

Thursday I felt bad again. Could be because I went out Wednesday night, and it was raining cats and dogs then. I had to miss out on helping in my daughter's class cause I was still feeling bad.

By this morning I was feeling much better. I think all that extra sleep I was getting this week helped. It's still raining cats and dogs. I did have to go out though, and I made sure I had a hat and a warm jacket and layers, so I didn't get cold or wet. Well, I got a little wet. Hard not to.

I hope that whatever I caught never shows up in my life again.

I said I blamed it on my mom. Wanna know why?? I don't recall her ever vacumming or sweeping her home. I don't even think she owns a vacumm or a broom. She has a Swiffer wet thingy to clean the kitchen floor, but that's all. The carpet is full of who knows what. I know I'm allergic to dust. My mom needs help. :(

Will he have learned his lesson this time???

2007-01-22T13:57:00.000-08:00

I'm both royally pissed off and blessed. How can that be? Let me tell you what happened Sunday night:

Hubby is now in Mexico for two weeks. He nearly didn't make it. His flight was to leave at 11:59pm so he should have been at the airport by 10:30 at the latest. He didn't leave the house until 10:30, and it's close to an hour's drive to the airport. He was partying with his buddies instead.

So he gets home to pick up his bags at 10:20pm. His brother in law was taking him. Well, BIL's car had broken tail lights (kinda convenient to me) so they decided to take our truck. Finally they left at 10:30. He should have been at the airport by then.

11:10pm hubby calls me and says, how the heck can they get a taxi, cause the truck broke down. "It's 911, how can I get a taxi" he says. I figured he was joking, he does that alot. I can never tell when he is joking or being serious. One time the power steering belt broke off on the car we had at the time, and he tells me he got into a serious accident. So how do you expect me to believe him when he says stuff like that to me?

11:25 pm- BIL calls me and asks again how to get a taxi. I hear people talking in the background. The call gets lost.

11:35pm- I call him back and ask if hubby had gotten a taxi- BIL says no, then I hear him talking to someone saying "my brother in law's truck- he just left in a taxi to get to the airport." The call gets lost again.

Hubby calls me around the same time. The airline officials wouldn't let him board the plane, even though he arrived 25 minutes before takeoff. Gee, I wonder why. But they are able to give him a different flight, one that would leave an hour later at 1am. The only problem is that it would take him to Guadalajara, which is about 4 to 5 hours from his original destination of Leon, Guanajuato. Oh well he said. At that point he didn't care as long as he got to Mexico.

12:10 am more or less: hubby's sister calls me- the police arrived and wanted to take BIL to jail and impound the truck- they didn't believe that hubby had been driving when it broke down. So I told them to call hubby since I just got off the phone with him. See BIL doesn't have a driver's license.

12:40 am- they call me back. The police called a tow truck which could move the truck to a parking lot nearby. But a good Samaritan said that items left in the truck would get stolen right away, so he helped them find a tow truck that could bring it back home.

12:58 am- hubby calls- he is finally boarding the plane. "I'll call you when I get there."

So I fall asleep. For a little while.

2:15 am. BIL calls me- they are outside with the tow truck and they needed more money to pay the guy. $200 total to get the truck home.

SIL comes in and tells me what happened. Something cracked in half under the truck, and burst into flames. If it weren't for the Samaritan, the truck could have blown up since the flames were really close to the gas tank. This is where I start to feel sick. A trailer stopped to help extinguish the flames. They were 15 minutes from the airport.

So now can you understand why I feel pissed, but blessed? At least they didn't get into more serious trouble with the truck- it didn't blow up, thankfully. And they were able to get it back here without anyone going to jail. One minor detail that probably caused some problems for hubby at the airport- he had a six pack of beer in the truck and was drinking them while they were driving. When they got out of the car to see the flames, he tried to extinguish them with the beer, and soaking himself in beer during the process.

Oh, and I didn't mention, SIL had her 15 month old son with them as well.

And yet another "new" year.

2007-01-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

Well, Happy New year everyone! I actually made it through the holiday without too many problems.

Christmas was quiet and relaxing, amazingly enough. The kids loved what they got, even if they didn't get much. All I got was some candles from the kids, since they knew how much I love candles, and a little bit of spending money from my mom and aunt (which went into getting the kids thier presents). Oh, and tons of Christmas cards from my online friends!! :o)

So apart from the financial side of things, I've got some serious communication problems with DH, from now on only known as H. I'm busting my chops trying to open up more and he is shutting down even more. He even suggested that we either split up, try marriage counseling, or just stay as we are. Not something I wanted to deal with during the holidays.

That was right after my last post, or about the same time. We kinda started to do more communicating as Christmas came and went, but once again we are at a communication deadlock. I don't know what else to try. He won't answer my phone calls most of the time, and get's pissed now if I text message him more than once. Last night I texted him asking what time would he come home. Of course he didn't answer, so I texted him two more times, and he finally replied around 11pm with "I was about to come home...don't you know I hate it when you do that?" and then didn't come home until after 1am. Ok, how was I supposed to know that he hated when I "bothered" him with text messages, when he doesn't talk to me at all? I've told him many times that I wouldn't get mad about him being out so much if only he would answer his phone and tell me the truth about when he will be home or where he is. He is always saying something like, "I'm outside, I'll be there in a sec." or "I'll be home in a minute, I had to go to the store." He hangs out with people who drink to get drunk, do drugs, smoke marijuana, and he claims that he doesn't do any of that stuff. Well, what am I supposed to think when he doesn't come home until anywhere between 1am and 8am??

I've actually started keeping track of how many times he does that, since he claims that he only does that once in a blue moon. Since January 1, he has come home after 1am 6 times. Today is the 11th. What does that tell you?

I'm too exausted to type anymore tonight, but I will continue to write about this newest saga in a couple of days.

Hey- I've gotten myself deep into GPT's!!

2006-12-15T23:29:00.000-08:00

And for a good cause. If I can come up with this money for spending a short amount of time on the computer, then why not. Easier than finding a job outside of the house.

So here is what I'm working on now:

These first three sites are free, no credit card required sites. You can get paid in Paypal or a Visa Gift Card. Each different site also has one other prize to choose from.

http://25.Free4Every1.com/index.php?referral=211
You get $25 for 3 refferals. You just need to complete one full credit worth of offers (often times just one, but sometime you need to do two half credit offers or three one-third, etc.), and get three people to do the same.

http://50.Free4Every1.com/index.php?referral=210
You get $50 for 5 refferals. Same requirements as first site.

http://100.Free4Every1.com/index.php?referral=430
You get $100 for 9 refferals. Same requirements as first two sites.

And here are the other sites:

http://free.anygift4free.com/?ref=3228
You can get $35 for 1 refferal, or pick from five other prizes for just one refferal. You will need to complete one offer and get one person to do the same.

http://500.free4me.net/?r=13515
Yup, I'm still working on this one. You can get $500 for 7 refferals. Complete one offer on each page, and then get seven people to do the same.

http://250.free4me.net/?r=13515
You can get $250 for 6 refferals. Just complete one offer and get six people to do the same.

http://cameras.123StuffForFree.com/?referral=353
You can get $250 for 7 refferals, or choose from five different cameras. Just complete one offer and get the required number of people to do the same.

http://travel.123StuffForFree.com/?referral=348
You can get $250 for 7 refferals, or choose from one round-trip airline ticket or two round-trip airline tickets. Just complete one offer and get the required number of people to do the same.

http://www.Toys4Free.com/106
This site is slightly different. You can complete it to recieve one prize, and then go back and complete it for another prize. You could first get $250 for 7 refferals, and then go back and choose from one of fifteen other prizes for the required number of refferals.

http://Laptops.yourgiftsfree.com/?id=474
You can get $200 for 5 refferals, or choose from five different laptops for the required number of refferals. This one asks for a higher number of refferals, so I reccomend you stick with the money instead.

http://www.cameras4free.com/default.aspx?r=690059
You can get $325 for 10 refferals, or choose from six different digital cameras for the required number of refferals. This one has a higher refferal requirement too, and the offers are a little tougher to complete, but it's well worth the time and effort.

All of these sites are refferal based GPT's. There are also DIY (do it yourself) sites, which I will post tommorrow. Most of the DIY sites are ones where you can get paid over and over and over again for just completing free surveys and free offers.

Out of these sites I am trying to reach the neccessary refferals to recieve one digital camera, and a total of over $1700. It won't happen before Christmas unfortunately, but if I can complete these sites by February, then I can pay some of my medical bills that I owe.

2006-12-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been at a loss for words. I keep telling myself to write down my "adventures" in the blog but alas, I stopped trying. I guess that now I'm not in school I feel like I don't have to write anymore. But I really do need to find an outlet for my emotions...

Ok, so update time. Since I last posted I have temporarily dropped out of the SHALI biz. Financially, we are so unstable that we can barely pay our rent. H (for I shall not call him DH right now, no way...) didn't tell me that he had the rent money since Friday, and I just found it today. So our rent is now 12 days overdue by the time I get the MO and turn it in tomorrow. :( That's just one problem. I have also lost my Mia Bella website and biz due to our financial situation. And the reason I lost both biz's is because we lost our bank account. It was seriously overdrawn, and H just refused to deposit anything there. Instead he opened an account for himself only, claiming that it's for business only, but he can't even keep money in that account either. Go figure. So between August and the first of November we had the account in a super negative amount, so the bank closed it on us. On top of that, becuase I lost my bank account I also lost the Money market account I had opened online. It was set up to recieve automatic deposits from the bank account, and now that I no longer had the account the company sent me a check for the amount that I had in the MM account. But I had no way to cash it cause I don't have a bank account. Imagine me crying. Oh, and my paypal account got overdrawn too due to charges from offers that I didn't cancel in time, and paypal tried to transfer the money from my overdrawn bank account, which didn't work as you can imagine. So I don't know if I even still have a Paypal account. I don't owe them that much- or at least it's pennies compared to how much I still owe the bank. All I want for Christmas is to suddendly have money in the bank, with enough to pay off all my debt and still have money left over for a vacation. Is that too much to ask for??

It's been a while...

2006-08-18T14:52:00.000-07:00

Here's just a brief update to things that have happened in the last month an a half:
I finally graduated from UOP with a dual bachelor's degree on July 15!
I got myself involved in yet another business venture, but I'm still hesitant to promote it at this point.
My kids drove me crazy ALL summer, and I cannot wait for them to go back to school on the 24th!
That's it. Yeah, extremely exciting.

I wanted to talk to you about something though.

One of my businesses is an amazing organization that is also dedicated to making a difference in people’s lives. My organization is called Stayin’ Home and Lovin’ It (SHALI). Even though SHALI is a business organization, socially it is as equally important for all involved. Every day our organization grows. Every day, the members of the organization make friends and create extended families. Many of the friendships I have made through this organization stems from our shared goal within the group. All of us strongly believe in the company we work for, and our goal is directly aligned with the company’s goal, “to enhance the lives of those we touch by helping people reach their goals.”

Recently I had the opportunity to discover just how much my organization and the company has impacted others. For four days in Salt Lake City, Utah, I experienced what religious people would call enlightenment. Under the roof of the Salt Palace Convention Center, over 8,000 people from all over the world gathered to share stories of how our company has changed their lives, as well as meet friends they had only known through the internet or phone conversations. Rather than a business meeting, the whole four days felt like the largest social gathering of friends the world has ever seen. People, who at one point were complete strangers, would laugh and hug and share stories like they have known each other forever. Not only did I learn how the successful Marketing Executive built their businesses, but also how they maintain quality friendships with people other businesses would consider only as customers. Within this organization there truly is no boundary between customer and business. Perhaps it is because Marketing Executives are customers themselves, so we can relate to our customers on a more personal level than a traditional business can.

I got the chance to meet some of the highest earning people in the company, who are also part of my organization. One couple are Corporate Directors. The rest are Executive Directors. I even got to meet the President and CEO himself! I was shocked to find out how down-to-earth everyone was, especially the CEO! No one cared that you were just a starting out Marketing Executive. Everyone was welcomed with open arms. It didn't matter what color your skin was, if you were wheelchair bound, were deaf, were severly handicapped, were Mormon, Catholic, Jew, Islamic, Amish (and yes there was a large contingent of Mennonite Amish there), old or young, spoke Chinese, Japanese, French, Spanish, EVERYONE WAS WELCOMED!

Everything that I believed about the company was reinforced at this convention. But most importantly I learned. I learned that my problems were insignificant compared to others. I learned that anything is possible as long as you believe in it! No matter how many times you face darkness, there will always be a ray of light to guide your way.

I've found a company like no other. I'm on the ride of my life, and I want to pull as many people on with me as possible!

"Enhancing lives, one at at time...Making each home a safer place, bringing a smile to every face, giving each soul it's special grace...One At A Time!"

To learn more about this amazing company, please visit my website at http://ksandoval.stayinhomeandlovinit.com, read through it and then contact me. :o)

I need MONEY!!!

2006-07-11T15:18:00.000-07:00

Ok, but who doesn't? I feel though that I'm in a deep pickle. Creditors calling out the wazoo, overdue utility bills, unpaid rent... AAAAAAAAAA!!!! So I'm begging you guys to help me out! I just joined a few programs that will help me get some $$. Here's the lowdown:

These are paid email programs.
Sign up for free and then you will recieve emails that you have to read. I would reccomend that you select the site inbox for delievery method. Otherwise your main email account will get seriously flooded with spam! Oh, and you can upgrade with these sites and use them for advertising!

Emails for 1/4, 1/3, 1/2 cent each, bonus points available, pay to click banner ads. Active members recieve an average of 30 emails a day. Cashout at $5.

http://www.luckybizs.com/pages/index.php?refid=kjdama Emails are 1 cent each. Bonus points available also. Active members recieve an average of 50 emails per day. Cash out at $5.

http://www.readrevenue.com/pages/index.php?refid=kjdm Emails are 1 cent each. Bonus points also. Active members recieve an average of 30 emails a day. Cash out at $3.

Send Earnings is not just a paid email site, but they also pay you for completing offers (they pay $20 for the tickle tests!!)

Now onto the Paid to Complete Offers Sites!!

Mavishare is an incredible site!! Get paid to complete offers, and payout is extremely fast! From there FAQ's: "Whenever you have an account balance over $10, you can withdraw instantly. You need to sign up 3 unique and active friends for each withdrawal after the first withdrawal if you want to be paid instantly. Otherwise you can wait until the 15th of the following month to get paid. This is to help us keep costs down, since we pay PayPal for each withdrawal. Do NOT attempt to sign up yourself multiple times or enter fake information or your account will be closed. If you don't have enough referrals, you can still withdraw instantly if you have at least $65 in your account" My first cashout landed in my Paypal account within minutes!!

Simply complete two offers, one on each page, and get 7 friends to do the same! Your reward=$500 to your Paypal!!

http://DontCostAnything.com/index.php?referral=70
I have one refferal already Five more would be awesome!! Depends on what prize you choose, the number of credits or refferals is different. I choose $250 paypal, which requires either 7 credits or one credit and 6 refferals. You get to choose!! Some offers are partial credits, so watch for the ones that give one full credit!

http://www.flip6.com/?r=195
Pick your choice of prize- $100 to $1000 paypal or gift!! Get one refferal for $100, 5 for $200, and it goes on (27 refferals for $1000!!) You need to complete only one offer and get your refferals to complete only one offer also! I'm going for the $200!!

So you see here, I'm aiming for a total of $950 for just a few minutes of doing offers and getting refferals! You can too!! It's not really difficult. People are doing offers, getting refferals, and then getting paid in one day!! There are some offers that are free to do, but the majority ask you to pay for a trial subscription. I highly reccomend doing the Tickle offers!! There are a few for $4.95, $9.95, and $12.95. Those come with a 7 day trial, which will renew for $19.95 monthly if you do not cancel during the trial period. Just think that the reward outweighs the initial cost!!

BTW, there are many many many other sites that offer other prizes other than cold hard cash! Just check out http://www.mommyjobs.com/boards/index.php and go to the Autosurf, HYIP's, Pay to Read, Survey's, Etc. folder!!

Well, we finally moved.

2006-06-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

Ugh, try moving from a 3 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment. BooHooHooooo!! These last few weeks have been hectic and tiring, both physically and mentally. But we are finally settled. Well, as settled as can be.

So, the last two weeks of school for the kids was crazy. First of all we had the end of the year picnics, and a final kindergarden field trip. June 7 was the k trip. We went to the San Fransisco Zoo. That was the same day we signed the lease for the apartment. Then Thursday, Friday, Saturday was busy with moving things, sorting through boxes that had been in the attic for nearly two years, and unwillingly submitting to throwing away a bunch of stuff. And it was hard. ;( Tons of stuff that was up there was ruined by the damn rats. Remember when I said that we had to deal with them? Anyway, stuffed animals and books and clothes, just ruined from the urine of the rats. Some stuff was even chewed up. So I had to get rid of a lot. That was not fun.

So by the time Monday rolls around I was more than just tired. My entire body was aching and sore from having to move. We are now in a third floor aparment. Up two flights of stairs with boxes was not the best thing to do. I don't recommend it. Ever. But anyway, Tuesday comes and we have the Kindergarden end of the year picnic. It was fun. We went to the local park, which is the main spot for all kindergarden and first grade picnics for most of the schools. The kids had a blast, played on the equipment, had a few scraped knees, jumped off trees... you get the picture. So then Wednesday was the 2nd grade picnic to the beach. Oh, boy. I should have thought to bring extra shoes and socks for my son. The tide was waaay low that day and nearly everyone decided to go crab and fish hunting in the rocks. Of course it was really muddy. Out of 60 kids, maybe one brought extra shoes and socks. Of course his mom brought them for him, remembering last year's trip with his older brother. Too bad she didn't say anything to the other moms!

The picnics out of the way and one more day of school. Thursday, June 15 was the offical last day of school for the kids. My daughter graduated from kindergarden!! I thought that I would cry, since she is the younger, but I didn't. At least dad came this year. He didn't for his son. :x Oh, well, what can I do about it now. So after school got let out at 11:30 am, we went to Fresh Choice for lunch since that is what the kids wanted to do. Then we went home and watched a movie.

So I didn't do much in the way of unpacking since we moved until the 23rd. At least I got books put away on the bookshelves, and some clothes put away. But we didn't have our beds put together still. My mom bought us a new couch, knowing we did not have any living room furniture other than folding chairs. So Saturday Dh put the beds together, and I tried to put the rest of the stuff away that was in the boxes taking up all the room in the living room. Sunday, DH played soccer and then we went to pick up the couch. So finally the living room looks like a living room. No more boxes cluttering the way. Of course, now I still have to put away clean clothes and wash the dirty. That will never end. The apartment manager said that laundry is also known as infinity. He's right, it never ends.

So that's what's been happening in my life the last month. Saturday starts a whole 'nother month to worry about.

A little fun stuff just for you!!

2006-05-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to be more positive in life!! So I'm not going to post my woes for a while!! Here's some fun stuff that I have come accross recently (mostly in emails)! I have more, but I will post them later!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Birthday Calendar

It tells you how many hours and how many seconds you have been alive on this earth and when you were probably conceived. After you've finished reading the info, click again, and see what the moon looked like the night you were born. Who says our time clocks aren't ticking....

http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

My info included Life Path compatablity, My age equivilancy in Dog years, how much energy the candles on my bday cake will produce, and what my birth tree is!! LOL! I am 870,529,117 seconds old!! (as of this moment! LOL!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever heard of "Assicons"??
WARNING- This may offend you: but don't worry, I didn't write it!! LOL!

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons,"
where:
:) means a smile
and
:( is a frown.

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"

Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
(_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing their ass off (_ :-) _).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ulitmate Female Joke

It has long been contended that there are male jokes and there are female jokes. And there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.)

Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said....

"Clean my house."

Immigration Support!!

2006-05-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, even though I've had rough times with DH and I have often wanted to kill him ;), we really do have good times, and he does support me in stuff I do, albeit not the way I would like...

So I also support him and anything that upsets him. Like this immigration issue. Boy oh, boy is that really worrying him. Not that he could get deported, he is a legal resident, and has been for about 5 years. He's worried that he may be stopped from applying for citizenship.

Well, I inadvertatly started a thread at the forum I so lovingly call my second home (mommyjobs) and something amazing happend. There were a few friends that supported the idea, and one person who was misunderstood to be against the whole issue. That wasn't my objective at all. All I wanted was to see who was supporting the marches and rallies that were ongoing today nationwide. My friend Camille posted it about it, A day without immigrants, which is what the organizers are calling today, May 1, 2006.

This is my stand:

The United States of America were built by immigrants, and developed by immigrants, and have always supported immigrants. Immigrants view America as the only nation that is open to all cultures and languages. Now, we have Democrats and Republicans fighting immigration, and the whole point of our nation has been forgotten. Now, Mexico is considering making it legal for people to posses small amounts of drugs, but still illegal to sell, hoping to curb the drug traffic. But the political environment here screams and wants to completely close off the border, and pleads to the Mexican government not to allow their drug policy to go forward. And Mexico is pleading to the US that they not allow this immigration policy to go forward. WTF? And what about all the other people that are considered immigrants?? It's not just Mexicans!! There are Europeans, Iranians, Chinese, Japanese, Argentinian, Egyptian, and the list goes on and on and on and on... CMON PEOPLE This stupid immigration thing seems like a personal vendetta againgst spanish speaking people. AND I WILL BOYCOTT THE GOVERNMENT UNTIL THEY STOP THIS CRAP!!! Families are being pulled apart for no reason. Deserving people are being denied urgent medical care. There is no American Dream anymore.

Why did England send people over here in the first place? To start over and make a better life for themselves!! So why do so many people want to come here now??? To START OVER AND MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR THEMSELVES!!!!!

I'm really mad now! I find these proposed laws extremely against the whole founding idea of the US. If these laws pass, I will gladly renounce my citizenship. It's not worth it.

Edit-My other good friend Jac also has a strong stand, which is nearly identical to mine: you can read about it in her post Support Illegal Immigration.
I don't have an account where she blogs so I couldn't leave a comment- so here it is now! There is a reason why I fell in love with my spouses family! They accepted me with no if's and's or but's and my mother in law cries each time I leave when I visit! I enjoy the peace I have when I visit Mexico and I would live there if I did renounce my citizenship! No questions asked. The people down there have such a postive attitude for life that is not apparent here, unfortunately.

My bad week...

2006-04-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

I've been to the hospital twice now becasue I got a staph infection in my left leg. I just wrote about the dangers of staph and my problems on my other blog. Needless to say, I have had a bad week. And now I have to worry about the hospital bills ;( I have no insurance. I don't know what to do. I have not been able to make money from my biz. Actually from neither of them. And autosurfing is no way to make money either. I've lost about $15 there, which was all loose change, but frustrating nonetheless. Forgive me, I need to go bawl my eyes out now. No money + bad infection= AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! ;( ;( ;( ;(

WHY ARE MEN SUCH BAD LIARS???

2006-04-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

My vent is about DH. Nearly every day this week he comes home and immediately falls on the bed and goes to sleep. He doesn't even bother to move things off the bed, whether it's clean clothes or other, he just falls onto the bed with his dang dirty work clothes still on and falls asleep. He sleeps for a couple of hours, then he wakes up, takes a shower, and immediately goes to the store and comes home with an 18 pack of beer. Then he and his buddies proceed to plow through at least four 18 packs, tear the kitchen apart with thier munchies, and stay up listening to music until nearly 2 in the morning. Now like I said, this has happened nearly everyday this week, starting on Wednesday. Saturday he didn't even go to work. Friday night, actually Saturday morning he finally came to bed at 5am. Friday afternoon he and his buddies decided to have a bbq in the front yard of all places. So of course now there is approximately 6+ boxes of empty beer cans, and quite a few empty cans piled up in front of the kitchen windows, on the ground.

He finally confessed to me last night too, that he has been talking on the phone to his ex-girlfriend nearly every day since December. He confessed that he nearly left me and the kids to go back with her. She still lives in Mexico. He ran into her when he was there in December, and says that he still feels something for her, but that it's just a great friendship feeling, not love. He claims he loves his kids and me enough that he would never leave us. He'd rather deal with my mood swings and laziness than leave his children to be with another woman. I knew that he had been speaking to some girl on the phone, cause he would leave the house to make the phone call and if I caught him on the phone he would walk away or ask me to shut up. so I already knew that he was talking to someone else.

*SIGH* I just can't trust anybody. ;(

I have to write about this...

2006-04-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

I don't really know how to put my feelings into words about this subject. It's a little tender for some, but the info I just was introduced to makes me, well, extremely pissed. I'm talking about the events leading up to, during, and after 9/11.

At mommyjobs.com, we had been discussing this subject, rather heatedly, I might add. Here's the link if you're interested http://mommyjobs.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=3090. But what comes into play is the fact that on April 28, the first of two 9/11 movies will be released in the movie theaters. This movie is about what the families believe transpired aboard Flight 93, the one that crashed into a field in Pensylvania.

Or did it? What about the American Airlines flight that crashed into the pentagon??? Did it really? And why was there so much controversy about the subsequent events with the twin towers? They shouldn't have fallen, that much has been said, but were they damaged enough from the planes to fall like that????

I urge you to watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGEb40o17yE. This is part one of three. You will need to watch all three. Watch them with your full attention, at a time where you will not get distracted. You will need about one hour and thirty minutes to devote to watching all three videos. Warning, you may feel sick to your stomach after you finish watching them.

I have nothing more to say about this right now.

This post has been generously sponsered by Jackiesbizblog.blogspot.com! HUGS TO YOU JAC!!

Rain, Whining, and Lack of $$$

2006-04-12T00:05:00.000-07:00

Sara, you really got me with this one!
Ok, so Sara, my buddy, has a great blog entitled My Mothers Fault, and in that post she was dealing with the "mama guilt." UHHH I can totally relate!

Here I was today, trying to deal with the darn rain, two whining kids who wanted to go into Target to buy a new game for the gameboy, and needing to get gas and pay for DD's doctor appointment somehow! I had $19 in cash and I had to fork out $100 total or the doc wouldn't see her. So I forked over the last of my precious $$, and maxed out my CC with the rest of the payment. Then the doc gives me a precription for DD for an eye infection, which means I have to go to Target anyway to fill it. UGH! So the kids start whining again, and I have just barely enough left on my Target card to pay for DD's meds and some brownies for her and her brother. But of course, he wanted to buy a game, either for the computer or the gamboy. Sheesh! They can't understand me when "I say I have no money!" So now I start to get the mama guilt! I never wanted to turn into my mother! Thank goodness she hates the computer and doesn't even go on the internet, cause she wouldn't want to read my life crisis the way I put them out! Half of the stuff I have blogged about she doesn't even know about and I'd like to keep it that way! But I am afraid I am starting to act like her with my kids, so I can truly say that "it's my mother's fault!'

You'll never guess what I did!!!!!!

2006-04-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

So, I've been trying to earn money from home. I joined a great team last year and have started to make a little (say $2-6) with that biz, but I certainly don't make enough money to stay at home. So what do I do?????? I join two other biz's! Crazy huh?!!

I've been kinda following my friend Cindy's blog also, Moms Makin Monny, and I have done some of the things that she suggests! I do paid surveys, and autosurfing now! You can also find a great list of surveys on my other friend Elizabeth's blog Free Survey Lists. Both blogs have helped me in my search for $$$$$! HAHA!! I have been paid a whopping total of $.20 for one autosurf I joined, and I am anxiously awaiting a $5 payment from another! I also been paid $30 from a survey site that I've been doing for a while! So take a look at what my friends say about making money on the internet! I trust thier advice!

BTW- bet you're wondering what the other two biz's are I joined! Mia Bella Candles and Stuff A Friend! SAF was free to join! Great bday party gifts and activities *hint-hint*!!!!

I had a problem a while back on this blog...

2006-04-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone else noticed- my sidebar was appearing underneath my posts. And I wasn't the only one with the same problem either!! My pal Elizabeth had the same problem and she blogged about how she went about fixing it! Well, I followed her tips, but it still didn't come out right. OK, then , so what did I do??? HA! Actually it was a week or so ago and I honestly can't remember *someone please hit me on the head* I think it was because some of my links were too wide or something like that... But if anyone ever has that same problem with your sidebar going to the bottom of your posts- read Elizabeth's blog cause she really went into detail on how to fix it.

What can I do to make my biz work???

2006-04-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

So I have been working with the Stayin Home and Lovin It! Team since last May- close to a year now. But I haven't been really succesful with it yet. And I really want this biz to be my main biz!! So I've been searching for help, and I found this post on my friend's blog: Dancing to music that matters to you. I've heard similar thoughts from my current upline with SHALI, and all around the home biz world, but she just made it sound so simple!! It has to matter to me, and I have to find people that have the same feelings.

I'm trying to become a gourmet chef! (YEAH RIGHT!)

2006-04-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

Well, now that my SIL is no longer living with us, I am forced to cook. It's not that I don't want to, but cause I have no idea how to. I mean, I grew up learning to cook Ramen noodles, macaroni and cheese, and green eggs with no ham. Me cook?? NAHHHHH! But then I was reading my pal's blog Revenge of the couch potatoes and she talked about lefovers, which I never know what to do with! I may have to try her concoction, although I hate cream of mushroom soup. Maybe with chicken tortilla soup instead or baked potato soup. Anyway I did try something the other day which actually turned out wonderful! I cooked chicken breast with a lemon pepper marinade. While the chicken was cooking, I put to boil some rainbow rotini, which had been sitting in my pantry for over a month. When the chicken was done I poured it over the pasta, and VOILA!! Instant meal! Wow, I actually cooked and didn't even burn the water this time! Thanks VeryCute for the inspiration!! DH actually liked it, and of course, neither of the kids would try it (they are in the wannabe vegetarian stage). Well, I have lots of ramen noodles to cook with...

2006-04-02T22:29:00.000-07:00

Hmm, what would I do if I could make improvments to my husband!! I was reading my friends blog The Crazy Housewife , and she had a great technical view on her husband situation. If only life were that simple!! Wouldn't it be great to be able to add, change, and remove programs from your husband, just like you do with your computer?? Only the problem is that the computer is waaaaaaay easier to change and remove programs on. I would love to be able to take away a few things from DH right now! Limiting his time with his buddies would please me greatly, while increasing his time with the three of us. Today wasn't as bad, we did a few things together, but it's when it is most needed for us to be togther that he decides his buddies need some more beer. HA! Add hot food and lingere indeed. I'll let the crazy housewife do her own upgrading, cause I don't really care for the lingere part.

Not much to say...

2006-03-29T16:01:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I don't know. It must be contagious or something. I mean, I know I'm not the only one in the same predicament. My friend Bruk talked about it on her blog too- http://bruksplace.blogspot.com/2006/03/theres-nothing-more-to-be-said.html. Who really wants someone else to raise thier kids?? I mean come on!! There has got to be a way to earn enough money to stay home right?? I'm not doing so hot with my home biz, and I don't want to quit, so I won't- BUT I really need the money. WHATS WRONG WITH ME???? I can't even get into the autosurfs, to make money cause I don't have any to work with. UGH!! I've already spent my savings like five times over- I should have over 12 thou in savings, but I don't Help pay rent, pay bills, pay medical expenses. Another thing- if someone had warned me how expensive it would be to have kids, I may not have had any, well, I would have been more careful and waited longer till I was more financially stable. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but I am having soooooo many problems. AHHHHHHHHH!!!

ANNIVERSARY!!!

2006-03-28T11:14:00.000-08:00

OMG!!! Today is our anniversary! 9 loooooong years!!! Not many people thought that we would make it past one year! And speaking of one year- I want to congratulate a friend of mine who just posted in her blog that she also has her anniversary today!! Here's her post- http://www.thecrazyhousewife.com/blog/2006/03/27/tomorrows-the-day/ She just celbrated 1 year!!

I feel like dancing and singing!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

I just don't know how to react! Should I cry, should I laugh, should I smile like a little kid??? I know we won't be doing anything this year. We are waiting till next year, cause it's more important- 10! Just think- 9 years ago I was 3 months pregnant and getting married on this day!! Ok, enough- I got laundry to do- that's married life!!!

House Hunting...

2006-03-24T10:58:00.000-08:00

I never realized that house hunting could be so stressfull!!!! We have seen six homes so far, but I think we have found one. Now the only problem is getting DH's income verified to be able to buy the house. His documented income would only qualify us for monthly payments of $2300, and the place we want to put an offer on would mean payments of $3800. He makes more than his documented income, but how can we prove it????? His boss pays him 40 hours by paycheck, but the overtime is paid in cash. DH also has a number of side jobs which bring in approximately a few hundred extra a week.

This income problem means that I'm gonna have to get a job again, since my biz is not bringing in enough money yet. WHAT DO I DO???? I don't want to go back to work. That will mean missing out on all the fun on the forums that I participate in. And I may have to give up my Moderator postition on one too *sob*. Oh, woe is me!!! I'm soooooo stressed out, and I can't explain myself to DH so he's getting annoyed with me. He doesn't understand why I am being so emotional right now, when I am always emotional ;) But I swear, this is really getting to me. I've had a strange ache in my arm and chest-- heart problems??? I have no idea, but I can't afford to go to the doctor right now. I have to fork out $500 for blood tests, a chest xray, and the doctor's visit for DD this week. She's the other stress factor in my life right now. I'll write about that later...

A move is immanent...

2006-03-14T21:50:00.000-08:00

Mold keeps growing, allergies getting worse.... We need to get outta here!!!

I made contact with a lady on the east coast that willl secure a loan for us (already has pre-approved us), now all we need to do is find a place. I've been on the net for days searching the MLS and non MLS sites for homes in our price range- under $600,000. It's very difficult to find one in our area. We both want to stay near the school for the kids, but there are only five town homes- and of course dh wants a single family. If we want a single family, we need to move out of town, up north or farther east at least 30 minutes drive from where we are now. There's not much hope here. ;( IF we do get a home here, it will be a worse fixer upper than what we are living in now- and this ones has been "appraised" at $700,000. I highly doubt it! I am planning on calling the Department of Environmental Health as soon as we leave here, to put in a complaint about the conditions of the house. The owner cannot just knock down a wall or move it over just to get rid of mold. It is everywhere!!! The kitchen floor is buckled and he has admitted to seeing lots of water under the house. There is a damp smell everywhere which is getting worse. And my allergies are getting worse. If we stay here any longer I may end up in the hospital becasue of the mold.

I DONT WANNA MOVE!!

2006-03-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

Ok, really, I do, but I don't want to move far away. But considering our financial situation, and how much housing costs here, we may have to. Last night my hubby got into a heated discussion with the owner of our house. He had overheard the owner saying something to one of his workers about us and the house, so he decided to say something. I have no idea what tranpired, but all I konw is that they were talking with raised voices on the side of the house, and I could hear their voices from the living room. Afterward, hubby decided that it was time to start doing some cleaning in the garage. He wanted to throw everything away, and I mean EVERYTHING!! But I had to intervene- we can not afford to throw things away. We're gonna have a garage sale with the toys and clothes and other stuff we don't want. But he doesn't want to do it. He's worried that the stuff will keep collecting dust and taking up space. That's why he wants to throw everything away. I got an idea from a forum friend that I may use. Maybe sell the things on ebay, including his stuff!! HEHEHE! But back to moving. Since housing is soooooo expensive in my area (median home price is $760,000!) we cannot afford to buy anywhere here! Anywhere else is much cheaper, but again- the idea of uprooting the kids and making new friends... I am just finally starting to make some friends around this area!! And so are the kids!! But where we were just looking, there is a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom home for sale at $400,000! That same size house here would be minimum $850,000. It's so annoying. There is an organization here in town that helps first time homebuyers that are also middle to low income buy a house. I think I will find thier number and call them.

2006-02-26T19:00:00.000-08:00

I found this article on Internet Based Moms, one of the wahm forums I frequent. It says a lot...

Let's Face it, every mom has had one of "those days". The baby is feed and dry but very fussy, your child forgot to tell you about a science project that is due tomorrow and hands you a list of 10 things that you must get from the store, you forgot the roast in the oven and now it is dry and your husband just called to say that he is stuck at the office... again! After a day like this, it can be very hard to keep your stress level low. With each passing minute you may feel your stress and irritability rising, your patience getting shorter and your fuse about to blow! Calgon Take Me Away!!

When you feel the need to escape and take a few minutes to yourself to de-stress, follow some (if not all) of the tips below.

Put yourself in time out: Allow some alone time for yourself. Use this time to focus on you. Find a place in your home that you can go to and find privacy. You can ask your partner or a friend to take the family out for a few hours while you enjoy your alone time. Do nothing, sleep, read, watch a movie, and just enjoy your solitude.

Call a Friend: Rather than yelling at your husband or your children, try picking up the phone and vent to a friend. Be sure not to vent AT her, but rather tell her about your day and get it all out. If she offers you some advice, listen and soak it in. This mini-time out session will leave you feeling heard, de-stressed and you will find that by the end of your call some of you anger will have dissipated.

Play: As adults, we sometimes forget the beneficial value of play. Play stimulates our imagination, encourages our creativity, boosts our energy, and best of all, it is fun. Try a game of tennis, a game of cards online or perhaps invite some friends over for an evening of adult board games.

Meditate: Meditation has been proven to reduce your blood pressure, and helps to dramatically reduce your stress level. Meditation and/or prayer will help you to keep in touch with your spiritual side. Meditation is a very effective method of relaxation. To meditate, quiet your mind and allow yourself to focus on one thing, such as your breath. Find a relaxed comfortable position where Try visualizing good health and peace as you inhale. While you are breathing out breathe out all of your stress. Set aside approximately 20 minutes for this exercise. Upon completion, you will see just how much more relaxed your mind and body is.

Take a nap: Find a quiet, comfortable spot and take a nap. Even a short power nap can leave you feeling refreshed, renewed, and more focused. Studies have shown that people who spent 30 minutes each day napping had one third less heart disease than those who didn't nap.

Eat: Not just anything but certain things. Studies show that certain foods can help reduce stress. Carbohydrates will actually soothe you. Good sources of carbohydrates include rice, pasta, potatoes, breads, air-popped popcorn and low-calorie cookies. Experts suggest that the carbohydrates present in just one baked potato or a cup of spaghetti or white rice, is enough to relieve the anxiety of a stressful day.

Movie Time: If you don’t have anyone to watch the children for you while you de-stress. Put in one of their favorite movies, supply your children with a few healthy snacks, and have them occupy themselves for a little while so that you can take a breather. Don't feel guilty for taking time out to rejuvenate your mind and body. Being a mom is not an easy task and it is a full time job. Take a break when you need it and be sure to ask for help to keep the stress at bay.
============ Aurelia Williams, Certified Personal Life Coach and owner of Real Life Coaching. Are you looking to reduce your stress? Join our Stress Less program. Free Consultation included.

If it was only that easy...

Depression, I'm ready...

2006-02-24T14:01:00.000-08:00

Oh, boy. After reading a post on a support forum, I started to get depressed again. It's the alone issue again. Like I posted before, but there is more to it. Here's what I posted in that forum:

My husband always has more time for his "buddies" than his family. We've been together for 10 years, celebrating our 9yr wedding anniversary March 28. He has so many projects that he wants to do around the house, but the minute he gets home, either his butts on the couch with the remote in his hand, or he throws himself onto the bed and is "dead asleep" within a minute. The other difference in our stories, we live with other people. My SIL and her family live with us (4 of them) and three of my husbands cousins. Currently, we live in a 3 bedroom house: We have the master bed and bath, my kids share a room, and my SIL and her fam are in the 3rd bedroom. The cousins live in the garage. We do not own this house, just rent it. So the messiness of the house is intolerable, but between me and my sil, no one else will do any cleaning. In fact, she does the majority of it, and hardly lets me do anything. If I say, I'll do it in a minute, she will not wait, gets mad at me and does it right away. That's beside the point. Our room is a pigsty. I beg him to put his dirty clothes in the dirty clothes bin, but of course, it piles up in the bathroom until I pick it up. And he leaves his shoes everywhere- kitchen, bathroom, living room, outside; and he wonders why I don't know where everything is... He works in contruction, so he get's paid fairly well enough for us to afford for me to stay home. Unfortunately, he has to spend his money on beer, pool, and other unneccesary stuff, and always wonders why we can't pay bills on time. I started a home biz, but it's growing slowly, and I won't be able to help out for at least a year. So in the meantime, he complains that we don't have enough money, and want's me to find a job again. I've not worked in one year. I enjoy the time with my kids, and I don't wan't to have to work again. I'm giving myself until Septemeber to make a modest check with my home biz. If it is still not enough, then I'll find a part time job while the kids are in school. But I can't right now. It's funny because he always complained about me being away from the kids and working too much; begging me to quit my job and stay home. Now he is begging me to go back to work. If I can't get the housework done when I'm home all day, how in the heck can I accomplish it if I go back to work? He say's he'll pay his sister to do everything, including our laundry. I'm sorry, that just doesn't sit right for me. I will not go back to work so I can have someone messing with my personal belongings. It irks me when people try to help me with personal chores...

But that's not it either. There's much, much more. I'm close to having a nervous breakdown. The problem is with having to live with other people, and his issue with not wanting to try to live just the four of us. He claims that since I can't accomplish all the chores with help, then I absoluetly will not be able to do them by myself. It's not the fact that I can't do them, it's the fact that there is so much to do, and no one except his sister trys to help. Even she cannot do everything by herself. I'm not superwoman, and he make me feel like I have to be. I finish cleaning the kitchen and within ten minutes it looks like a warzone again. Just the other night, both he and his sis complained that I spend too much time doing other things when I should be cleaning. I should be cleaning in the morning and then doing the other stuff in the eveneing. Ok, when have I ever cleaned during the day? When I worked at Target, I would always clean when I got home, since it was the only time I had to do anything. So, now, despite being home all the time, I still can't do any cleaning in the day time. Ok, some things like laundry and cleaning the kids room I do dayside, but other things like the kitchen... I don't see a point of cleaning if in five minutes or less it will be dirty again. Better clean it when it will stay clean for a few hours. Of course, if we have guests, which is rare, then it would be clean dayside. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I can't go on... then for sure you'll see my pix in the paper "Desperate Housewife Pleads Insanity..."

Do I Dare Go ON?

2006-02-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

So, July 15, 2006 will be a big day for me. Finally, after 4 long years, I will graduate from the University of Phoenix with a dual bachelors degree in Biz Managment and Biz Admin.

YE HAW!!!

But here's my dilemma... I really don't want to stop, but I want my life back and the time with my family back. I'm considering continuing for my Masters degree, either in English as a Second Language, or getting my teaching credential for music.

Tonight was supposed to be my very last class before graduation: the capstone course. But of course, I am short a number of credits that are required to graduate, so I have four more classes scheduled. Boo Hoo. Everyone was emotional, only a couple of us have one or two classes left, everyone else is completely finished. My very last class, officially, ends five days after the graduation ceremony. Everyone is asking me why don't I just take a CLEP or DANTES test to get out of the classes, so I can live my life again. My response to them is I don't know. But really, I kinda want to take these last four classes. It's kinda in my line of thought right now. The next class I have scheduled is on world religion. Then I have human nutrition, human motivation, and then finally business literature. I'm kinda intrigued by the names of the courses and wonder exactly what I'll be learning. It's that life-long learning idea: you never stop learning.

So what am I to do? I'm gonna be saddled with over $30 thou in student loans starting in 2007, I don't want to get a part time job to pay back the loans, my home biz is going slowly (so totally my fault), and I really want to be with my family and do more things in life. BUT I also want to continue my education, and get back into the music scene I so boldly left 9 years ago when I got married.

So that's my dilemma. I want to eat my cake now, not later.

Spring Cleaning Time

2006-02-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

And I want to scream!!! We have such a mess that I don't know where to begin. DH has so many clothes that he doesn't wear, and he complains that he has nothing to wear. Wait a minute... isn't it the woman who usally complains that she has nothing to wear? I have lots to wear myself, just nothing fits. But clothing aside, right now there is no place to store things. All his clothes are piled on top of the dresser, with some of my stuff inside. My clothes are piled in a box next to the wall because I have no drawer space. We really need to buy new furniture, but we can't afford it right now. I think that I will have a garage sale this week!! Get rid of his stuff, and some of mine that I know I won't wear. And maybe some of the kids stuff as well. I already have a box of toys that they wanted to get rid of. That shocked me. My kids wanting to get rid of toys. So we have things to sell at a garage sale, just have to organize them to have a sale. HMMMMM, maybe I'll get rid of our old tapes too at the same time. I gotta get dh to bring boxes out of the attic so I can go through them. Better now than when we have to move. Don't know yet when that will be. Another month, two weeks, a year? Oh, and speaking of house... the owner put in a new window and a french door, made a huge mess in the living room. Right now we really can't spend time in the living room like we used to. I'm gonna ask dh to try again to see if we can buy this house. Not that I really want to, but we are so used to living in a house that I can't bear having to pack again. We really need to sign a rent to own contract with the owner NOW. We'll see what dh says. If he's willing to try and do some improvements himself to the place too. But first on the list is cleaning the house and getting rid of things, just in case we really have to move.

What am I to do?

2006-02-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

I feel depressed when I'm at home. Maybe it's seeing the mess I need to clean. Maybe I associate the house with being alone (read my last post to understand). Or maybe it's because I live with too many people. Why is it that housing is so expensive that people have to have others living with them just to afford rent or mortgage payments? The house we live in now is a rental. The owner want's to sell it, but we can't afford to buy it from him. We pay $2,200 a month for a 3 bedroom 2 bath house. We used to have a pool. The owner decided that it was too expensive to maintain it and drained it and filled it in. Now he's trying to remodel parts of the house while we are living in it. Like today- he tore down a window and a door and covered the holes. He says he will come tomorrow and open a new hole for a new window and door. We had a separate room, which should have been the office, but we rented it out for $400 a month plus bills. He is making it bigger now and adding a bathroom. Where my kids room is and my sis-in-law is, he wants to knock down the walls and move them three feet out, making the rooms bigger. There is lots of mold on the walls and ceiling in both rooms, and he figured he'd just tear down the walls and fix the roof to clean up the mold, instead of washing it and painting over it. I guess that's a better solution, but right now those rooms are really cold. Oh, and on top of all this, we can't turn on the heater because rats have made a nest inside the pipes. We have had a problem with the rats since May of last year!! I wan't out NOW!! Actually since September of last year I've wanted out!! NO, I lie, I never wanted to move in to this house!! But Mr. Significant Other didn't wan't to listen to me, and now we are stuck with this problem. He asks me to look for another place, but we can't afford anywhere else, if we rent or buy a house. He won't even consider going back to an apartment or moving to a condo or townhouse. He absolutely has to have a house. There's a house on the street behind us that's for sale, but he says that there is not enough sun there. He's being too picky. It's really pissing me off. This is just one more thing that gets me upset with him. WHAT DO I DO?????

Valentines day is overrated!

2006-02-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

What can I say? I don't dislike the holiday, just that I never recieve anything from my significant other. NEVER. We've been married 9 years, and he never gives me anything for v-day. This year he didn't even say hi to me when I got home from school. HMPH. I stopped putting my heart out for him a long time ago. Don't get me wrong, I still care for him deeply. I just feel that the love that we had 10 years ago when we met has dissipated into a dull routine. He only calls me when he needs help spelling something. Spanish is his first language, so he dosen't know how to write in English correctly. So I've become his dictionary. He has tons of love for his kids, and he demonstrates that everyday when he sees them. But me? There are days when he barely acknowledges my presence. He never wants to do things as a family, let alone just the two of us. Just last night we had a banquet for my son's cubscout pack, and he asked if he really had to go with us!! He has not participated in any of the pack activities, and I felt embarrased when I introduced him to the Den leader, whom I see everyday! Go figure. So for v-day I had more fun with the kids and their school parties, and a party at my school during class, that I didn't even worry about whether or not he'd get me anything. His sister thought that he would buy me flowers. Yeah right. When does he do that? Ok, he did surprise me on my birthday last year, which was the first time in over 6 years that he actually gave me flowers. I wasn't expecting anything from him anyway this year. Just like every year. Lately he's been talking on his cell phone late into the night, and drinking with his buddies instead of trying to spend time with me and talk. Could he be seeing someone else? Maybe. His actions point in that direction, but then again, I'm naturally paranoid. I always think he's seeing someone behind my back. Just now, I don't care as much as I used to. If he was, I wouldn't be surprised, since we never do anything. He hasn't even asked for sex in a few weeks, which is unusual. I'm never in the mood anyway, but I'll do it when he asks. He spends so much more time with his buddies and at work that I've been alone too much. Sometimes he'll be out until 3am on a weeknight with them (just sitting in front of the house listening to music and drinking). He only will cuddle up with me in bed when he is cold. Ok, so now I feel like crying. There's a difference in being alone and being truly lonely. True loneliness is when the person is there right next to you but won't acknowledge your presence. When he is home I feel more lonely than when he is working or away with his buddies. Enough now.

NEED TO VENT!!!!!!!!

2006-02-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

ARRGGHHH!! What am I to do? It seems that everything I do, or intend to do, backfires on me, ALWAYS!

Ok, Thurdsay I woke up feeling crappy. I don't just mean crappy I mean utterly wigged out. I had no energy and all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep. But NOOO, that just wasn't possible. KIds had to get up and go to school. Ok, then someone else take them. Again, NOOO. I take them, walk them to the classrooms, and realize that something is worse than me just feeling wigged out. I was sick, but I couldn't begin to know exactly how sick I was. I get home and go to sleep, not before reprogramming the alarm clock so I wouldn't forget to p/u Marie. So it seems that by the time I finally drift off to sleep the alarm goes off. Get in the car, drive to school, and sit and wait until she gets out. Bring her home, get her settled, and go back to sleep again, reprogramming the alarm once more so I won't forget to p/u Danny and my niece Edna. But this time I only sleep maybe 20 minutes before my daughter bugs me. By the time I have to go get the other two, I feel ten times worse. I get to school, park and wait. Take the kids home, drop them off, and drive myself to the doctor. Wait 2 hours to be seen only to be told that all I have is the flu, my temp was 103, and there was nothing really that I can take to stop it. Well, maybe a perscription for 600mg ibuprofen to help my aches and fever. So I get it at Target, and come home and go back to sleep.
Friday morning, I don't want to wake up, still feel crappy. Marie now has a really bad cough. Oh NO! Don't tell me she's getting sick too? Too late, she is, so she stays home from school. SIL takes Danny and Edna to school for me, and picks them up too, so all I do all day is sleep.
Saturday I feel a little better. Clothes don't wash themselves, so I take the laundry to the laundromat and spend two hours washing and drying and folding little. That was a baaaaad mistake. Fever came back with a vengence, and I drifted into a sweating, heaving, chilly sleep from 2pm until the next morning. All I can say is- THANK YOU HUBBIE! At least he finally helped me out with the kids for the first time ever. I don't remember anything said to me that night.
Sunday morning, and I'm waking up at 9 am. I get up slowly, not sure if I'm alive still- ok, I can't cut the dramatics, that's who I am. ANyway, feel ok. Get some breakfast, boy was I STARVING! I guess that meant I was better finally. Later that day, Danny started complaining that he didn't feel well. Not him too? So here comes the screwy part of my life; I get in the car to go buy some meds for the kids and a thermometer, start backing up out of the drive way when- CRASH! HOLY $%*@! Put the car into drive and go back into the driveway. I hit the back corner of a friends BRAND NEW TRUCK, with my car, put a nice corner sized dent into the right front corner behind the headlights, luckily not damagaing them as well. There went my composure. I had to get out FAST! I parked, turned off the car and ran back into the house and locked myself in my room. Was I still feverish? HOw stupid can I get? I was thinking about my kids and not worried about driving. Nightmares came back of other crashes I was involved in (as a passenger, NOT a driver). THose had been really bad, I almost misscarried Daniel at 5mo pregnancy in one. I don't deal with trauma well. I finally had gotten enough confidence in myself to drive a car and I go and do something as stupid as what I did. Can't get back into the drivers seat again. Not for a while at least. Hubby doesn't get it. He wasn't affected by those accidents like I was. Not even in the slightest. Weakness from being in bed for three days with the flu made me stupid, more than normal. I think I need to see a shrink.