Not much to say...

Ugh, I don't know. It must be contagious or something. I mean, I know I'm not the only one in the same predicament. My friend Bruk talked about it on her blog too- http://bruksplace.blogspot.com/2006/03/theres-nothing-more-to-be-said.html. Who really wants someone else to raise thier kids?? I mean come on!! There has got to be a way to earn enough money to stay home right?? I'm not doing so hot with my home biz, and I don't want to quit, so I won't- BUT I really need the money. WHATS WRONG WITH ME???? I can't even get into the autosurfs, to make money cause I don't have any to work with. UGH!! I've already spent my savings like five times over- I should have over 12 thou in savings, but I don't Help pay rent, pay bills, pay medical expenses. Another thing- if someone had warned me how expensive it would be to have kids, I may not have had any, well, I would have been more careful and waited longer till I was more financially stable. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but I am having soooooo many problems. AHHHHHHHHH!!!

ANNIVERSARY!!!

OMG!!! Today is our anniversary! 9 loooooong years!!! Not many people thought that we would make it past one year! And speaking of one year- I want to congratulate a friend of mine who just posted in her blog that she also has her anniversary today!! Here's her post- http://www.thecrazyhousewife.com/blog/2006/03/27/tomorrows-the-day/ She just celbrated 1 year!!

I feel like dancing and singing!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!


I just don't know how to react! Should I cry, should I laugh, should I smile like a little kid??? I know we won't be doing anything this year. We are waiting till next year, cause it's more important- 10! Just think- 9 years ago I was 3 months pregnant and getting married on this day!! Ok, enough- I got laundry to do- that's married life!!!

House Hunting...

I never realized that house hunting could be so stressfull!!!! We have seen six homes so far, but I think we have found one. Now the only problem is getting DH's income verified to be able to buy the house. His documented income would only qualify us for monthly payments of $2300, and the place we want to put an offer on would mean payments of $3800. He makes more than his documented income, but how can we prove it????? His boss pays him 40 hours by paycheck, but the overtime is paid in cash. DH also has a number of side jobs which bring in approximately a few hundred extra a week.

This income problem means that I'm gonna have to get a job again, since my biz is not bringing in enough money yet. WHAT DO I DO???? I don't want to go back to work. That will mean missing out on all the fun on the forums that I participate in. And I may have to give up my Moderator postition on one too *sob*. Oh, woe is me!!! I'm soooooo stressed out, and I can't explain myself to DH so he's getting annoyed with me. He doesn't understand why I am being so emotional right now, when I am always emotional ;) But I swear, this is really getting to me. I've had a strange ache in my arm and chest-- heart problems??? I have no idea, but I can't afford to go to the doctor right now. I have to fork out $500 for blood tests, a chest xray, and the doctor's visit for DD this week. She's the other stress factor in my life right now. I'll write about that later...

A move is immanent...

Mold keeps growing, allergies getting worse.... We need to get outta here!!!

I made contact with a lady on the east coast that willl secure a loan for us (already has pre-approved us), now all we need to do is find a place. I've been on the net for days searching the MLS and non MLS sites for homes in our price range- under $600,000. It's very difficult to find one in our area. We both want to stay near the school for the kids, but there are only five town homes- and of course dh wants a single family. If we want a single family, we need to move out of town, up north or farther east at least 30 minutes drive from where we are now. There's not much hope here. ;( IF we do get a home here, it will be a worse fixer upper than what we are living in now- and this ones has been "appraised" at $700,000. I highly doubt it! I am planning on calling the Department of Environmental Health as soon as we leave here, to put in a complaint about the conditions of the house. The owner cannot just knock down a wall or move it over just to get rid of mold. It is everywhere!!! The kitchen floor is buckled and he has admitted to seeing lots of water under the house. There is a damp smell everywhere which is getting worse. And my allergies are getting worse. If we stay here any longer I may end up in the hospital becasue of the mold.

I DONT WANNA MOVE!!

Ok, really, I do, but I don't want to move far away. But considering our financial situation, and how much housing costs here, we may have to. Last night my hubby got into a heated discussion with the owner of our house. He had overheard the owner saying something to one of his workers about us and the house, so he decided to say something. I have no idea what tranpired, but all I konw is that they were talking with raised voices on the side of the house, and I could hear their voices from the living room. Afterward, hubby decided that it was time to start doing some cleaning in the garage. He wanted to throw everything away, and I mean EVERYTHING!! But I had to intervene- we can not afford to throw things away. We're gonna have a garage sale with the toys and clothes and other stuff we don't want. But he doesn't want to do it. He's worried that the stuff will keep collecting dust and taking up space. That's why he wants to throw everything away. I got an idea from a forum friend that I may use. Maybe sell the things on ebay, including his stuff!! HEHEHE! But back to moving. Since housing is soooooo expensive in my area (median home price is $760,000!) we cannot afford to buy anywhere here! Anywhere else is much cheaper, but again- the idea of uprooting the kids and making new friends... I am just finally starting to make some friends around this area!! And so are the kids!! But where we were just looking, there is a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom home for sale at $400,000! That same size house here would be minimum $850,000. It's so annoying. There is an organization here in town that helps first time homebuyers that are also middle to low income buy a house. I think I will find thier number and call them.

I found this article on Internet Based Moms, one of the wahm forums I frequent. It says a lot...

Let's Face it, every mom has had one of "those days". The baby is feed and dry but very fussy, your child forgot to tell you about a science project that is due tomorrow and hands you a list of 10 things that you must get from the store, you forgot the roast in the oven and now it is dry and your husband just called to say that he is stuck at the office... again! After a day like this, it can be very hard to keep your stress level low. With each passing minute you may feel your stress and irritability rising, your patience getting shorter and your fuse about to blow! Calgon Take Me Away!!

When you feel the need to escape and take a few minutes to yourself to de-stress, follow some (if not all) of the tips below.

Put yourself in time out: Allow some alone time for yourself. Use this time to focus on you. Find a place in your home that you can go to and find privacy. You can ask your partner or a friend to take the family out for a few hours while you enjoy your alone time. Do nothing, sleep, read, watch a movie, and just enjoy your solitude.

Call a Friend: Rather than yelling at your husband or your children, try picking up the phone and vent to a friend. Be sure not to vent AT her, but rather tell her about your day and get it all out. If she offers you some advice, listen and soak it in. This mini-time out session will leave you feeling heard, de-stressed and you will find that by the end of your call some of you anger will have dissipated.

Play: As adults, we sometimes forget the beneficial value of play. Play stimulates our imagination, encourages our creativity, boosts our energy, and best of all, it is fun. Try a game of tennis, a game of cards online or perhaps invite some friends over for an evening of adult board games.

Meditate: Meditation has been proven to reduce your blood pressure, and helps to dramatically reduce your stress level. Meditation and/or prayer will help you to keep in touch with your spiritual side. Meditation is a very effective method of relaxation. To meditate, quiet your mind and allow yourself to focus on one thing, such as your breath. Find a relaxed comfortable position where Try visualizing good health and peace as you inhale. While you are breathing out breathe out all of your stress. Set aside approximately 20 minutes for this exercise. Upon completion, you will see just how much more relaxed your mind and body is.

Take a nap: Find a quiet, comfortable spot and take a nap. Even a short power nap can leave you feeling refreshed, renewed, and more focused. Studies have shown that people who spent 30 minutes each day napping had one third less heart disease than those who didn't nap.

Eat: Not just anything but certain things. Studies show that certain foods can help reduce stress. Carbohydrates will actually soothe you. Good sources of carbohydrates include rice, pasta, potatoes, breads, air-popped popcorn and low-calorie cookies. Experts suggest that the carbohydrates present in just one baked potato or a cup of spaghetti or white rice, is enough to relieve the anxiety of a stressful day.

Movie Time: If you don’t have anyone to watch the children for you while you de-stress. Put in one of their favorite movies, supply your children with a few healthy snacks, and have them occupy themselves for a little while so that you can take a breather. Don't feel guilty for taking time out to rejuvenate your mind and body. Being a mom is not an easy task and it is a full time job. Take a break when you need it and be sure to ask for help to keep the stress at bay.
============ Aurelia Williams, Certified Personal Life Coach and owner of Real Life Coaching. Are you looking to reduce your stress? Join our Stress Less program. Free Consultation included.


If it was only that easy...

Depression, I'm ready...

Oh, boy. After reading a post on a support forum, I started to get depressed again. It's the alone issue again. Like I posted before, but there is more to it. Here's what I posted in that forum:

My husband always has more time for his "buddies" than his family. We've been together for 10 years, celebrating our 9yr wedding anniversary March 28. He has so many projects that he wants to do around the house, but the minute he gets home, either his butts on the couch with the remote in his hand, or he throws himself onto the bed and is "dead asleep" within a minute. The other difference in our stories, we live with other people. My SIL and her family live with us (4 of them) and three of my husbands cousins. Currently, we live in a 3 bedroom house: We have the master bed and bath, my kids share a room, and my SIL and her fam are in the 3rd bedroom. The cousins live in the garage. We do not own this house, just rent it. So the messiness of the house is intolerable, but between me and my sil, no one else will do any cleaning. In fact, she does the majority of it, and hardly lets me do anything. If I say, I'll do it in a minute, she will not wait, gets mad at me and does it right away. That's beside the point. Our room is a pigsty. I beg him to put his dirty clothes in the dirty clothes bin, but of course, it piles up in the bathroom until I pick it up. And he leaves his shoes everywhere- kitchen, bathroom, living room, outside; and he wonders why I don't know where everything is... He works in contruction, so he get's paid fairly well enough for us to afford for me to stay home. Unfortunately, he has to spend his money on beer, pool, and other unneccesary stuff, and always wonders why we can't pay bills on time. I started a home biz, but it's growing slowly, and I won't be able to help out for at least a year. So in the meantime, he complains that we don't have enough money, and want's me to find a job again. I've not worked in one year. I enjoy the time with my kids, and I don't wan't to have to work again. I'm giving myself until Septemeber to make a modest check with my home biz. If it is still not enough, then I'll find a part time job while the kids are in school. But I can't right now. It's funny because he always complained about me being away from the kids and working too much; begging me to quit my job and stay home. Now he is begging me to go back to work. If I can't get the housework done when I'm home all day, how in the heck can I accomplish it if I go back to work? He say's he'll pay his sister to do everything, including our laundry. I'm sorry, that just doesn't sit right for me. I will not go back to work so I can have someone messing with my personal belongings. It irks me when people try to help me with personal chores...

But that's not it either. There's much, much more. I'm close to having a nervous breakdown. The problem is with having to live with other people, and his issue with not wanting to try to live just the four of us. He claims that since I can't accomplish all the chores with help, then I absoluetly will not be able to do them by myself. It's not the fact that I can't do them, it's the fact that there is so much to do, and no one except his sister trys to help. Even she cannot do everything by herself. I'm not superwoman, and he make me feel like I have to be. I finish cleaning the kitchen and within ten minutes it looks like a warzone again. Just the other night, both he and his sis complained that I spend too much time doing other things when I should be cleaning. I should be cleaning in the morning and then doing the other stuff in the eveneing. Ok, when have I ever cleaned during the day? When I worked at Target, I would always clean when I got home, since it was the only time I had to do anything. So, now, despite being home all the time, I still can't do any cleaning in the day time. Ok, some things like laundry and cleaning the kids room I do dayside, but other things like the kitchen... I don't see a point of cleaning if in five minutes or less it will be dirty again. Better clean it when it will stay clean for a few hours. Of course, if we have guests, which is rare, then it would be clean dayside. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I can't go on... then for sure you'll see my pix in the paper "Desperate Housewife Pleads Insanity..."