Everything is better with wine

I'm serious. Well not better,  but close enough.

Only one thing right now would make me feel better. However it's just wishful thinking.

Tomorrow's my birthday so I decided to start my celebration early. Alone. Well,  technically I'm not alone. My kids are here. But that's not what I meant. *sigh*  Got my favorite wine glass filed with my favorite brand of Pinot Gris... Only missing one thing. 

The dreaded month of October.

Let's see. It's October. Danny's birthday was yesterday and he turned 17! My sister's birthday is Saturday and she'll be 30! My birthday is in 12 days and I'll be 36.

Previously I said I feel old.

Even more so now.

I've been so damn stressed and EVERYTHING is driving me crazy.

I never have time to clean the house. I never have time for myself. I'm doing so much community involved work besides my two jobs.

Gabe got sick this week, and has now been home for three days, and will be home for at least one more. Did I take advantage of him being home for me to get the house clean?

NOT A FUCKING THING DID I DO!  Well, besides  play games, watch movies, and sit on the computer or on my phone all day.  Ok, I did do some laundry and actually got to cook something for the whole family. So I did do SOMETHING. But it never is enough.

I am the worst procrastinator. I am the worst bullshitter. I am the laziest person ever.

I actually did get sick for two of the three days. Today I'm finally feeling better, enough...

This month always sucks and it will always suck. Let's just finish the rest of the year right now and call it a day.
That'll be all!

Unsure of myself again.

I've had this "crush" on a guy for nearly two years now. We became good friends after being part of a now defunct community group. A mutual friend of ours at one time tried to get him to stop hanging out with me by telling him I was "obsessed" with him and he shouldn't be my friend.  After quite a few months I found out what she did only because she screwed up. Other people confronted me about what she was doing and encouaged me to confront her. Instead I talked to him. All I had to say to him was "can we meet up soon to talk about some things I've heard?" And that same night we went walking and ended up chatting for 4 hours!  At the end he said "I honestly believe that you and I can be great friends."  I never said a thing about how I felt about him. We talked about what was said by her and other things she did to exclude me. He did say he was sorry to believe most of what she said...

After that we hung out more often;  meeting up for coffee a few times (purely accidental I might add, lol), went to the movies a few times,  and had a couple other nights where we had gone to the community group meeting and left chatting and stayig outside chatting until 4 or 5 am! 

Then I went to get my kids back. We still chatted but not like before. I thought I had just read too much into our friendship and that he didn't have similar feelings for me.  I find out he had a gf right after I came back with my kids. That sort of upset me but there was nothing I could do at that point because I had just convinced myself he didn't feel the same way.

However,  just recently I found out he broke up with his gf after dating her for 10 months. And suddenly I start running into him more and we sort of start talking again. One day when I was working at Subway he comes in for lunch and when he saw me looking at him he gave me one of his rare smiles that only his close friends usually see.  I got the goosebumps!  He came again Thursday afternoon when I was working and I actually had the nerve to openly flirt with him just by joking around with his order and he just smiled that awesome smile again and I *think* he flirted right back. 

It's been years for me. I've been separated from my ex for 3 years now but physically and emotionally it's been way longer.  I have no idea how to tell if he really does like me and I get way too nervous around him,  lol.

He came in again today. He smiled for me but didn't smile for my coworker.  Last night I dreamt that I worked up the nerve to call him,  invite him out,  and then finally tell him how I felt.  Oh boy.  I honestly don't know what I should do.  :/  Numerous mutual friends have told me that they thought we had been dating or they thought we should date.

I'm so unsure of everything. This is all new to me. I mean,  after being with one person literally right out of high school and for 14 subsequent years really didn't prepare me for adulthood quite the right way.  I have no idea how to behave,  no idea how to approach someone I like.  I feel like I'm in high school all over again with this.  *sigh*

Summer

Friday marks the last day of school for Danny.  He'll then be a junior in high school.

Tomorrow marks the last day of school for Marie.  She will then be a freshman!  Yikes!

Gabe will be a kindergartner in September.

I feel old!

Mother's Day Blues

I don't know why,  but I'm feeling very blue today. 

I should be happy.  Its Mother's Day after all.

It doesn't help that I, at 1 am,  put on season 5 of Glee. You know,  the one that includes the episode that's a tribute to Cory Monteith,  aka "Finn Hudson."  Yea. I'm bawling now.

What's wrong with me?

May Day

I'm gong to be teary eyed ALL day tomorrow.  Danny's going to be honored as sophomore prince for May Day,  and then he's going to prom! I don't want my baby to grow up anymore!  :'(

It's been a while...

Seriously, nearly a full year to the day since my last post!

What has happened to me?

Well... (let's see if I can make this a short blog post cause it's after midnight I and need sleep...)

• I got my drivers license finally in May of 2013.
• I was promoted to Shift Manager at Arby's at the same time.
• In July I traveled back to Mexico do get my kids.
• In August, the four of us has a quick weekend visit to California so the kids could see their grandma.
• School started for the kids in September.
• Gabe turned 5 on the 15th of September
• Danny turned 16 in October.
• I turned 35 in October.
• I got hired to work at a school as an education assistant, in October.
• I started working full time the first week of December at the school and went down to three days a week at Arby's.
• My kids and I moved to a house the same week I started at the new job.
• A new year started! 
• I quit my job at Arby's due to stress in February, 2014.
• I started working at the new Subway in town on Feb 15th.
• My stress levels decreased IMMENSELY!
• Marie turned 14 in March.
• With my tax refund, I purchased a much needed desktop computer and printer, set aside money for the kids, set aside money for myself, and paid all my current bills in full.
• I'm finally remembering that I have a few blogs that were gathering dust in the dark corners of cyber space.

Quick enough summary for you?

When I'm not so tired and it's not after midnight, I will elaborate on some of those amazing things that happened with myself and my family over this last crazy year.

Until then!