Thursday, March 29, 2012

March 28

I had a semi-rough day. As I was watching American Idol, I was brought to tears by the performance and song choice of Joshua Ledet. He sang Mariah Carey's "Without You":

This song, I dedicate to my husband of 15 years. It was our 15 year wedding anniversary. That's why that song made me cry!  "I can't live, if living is without you..."

I started watching American Idol a bit late, so I missed Colton Dixon's performance. As soon as it was available online I watched it and it also brought me to tears! He chose to perform Lifehouse's "Everything":

Yes, today was rough because this is the first year that we have been separated for as long as we have been, as well as being separated on the actual day of our anniversary. Thankfully, we were able to chat the day before, and he also sent me a text message in the morning that actually woke me up! ;o) He said "Happy Anniversary! Although the distance is between us, I received all the accumulated love of 15 years, and I will fight for many more. I love you." That was a wonderful way to wake up. Although I would have preferred to wake up in his arms...

Saturday, March 24, 2012

And now I have to deal with this...

My dad just stopped by to pick up mail. In a nutshell, he told me that he's going to sell this house and needs me to make a decision. The decision is to either go back to Mexico for a few months until he gets the house sold and has that extra money and then come back with the kids, or move now to somewhere like Portland so I have more of a chance of getting a job, and not have to worry about getting a car (plus I'd be closer to my sister). Either way, I need to go somewhere else soon.

I have no idea what to do. I love it here. I have settled into this amazing small community nicely. I have some good new friends. I'm just getting comfortable. Hell, I just unpacked a few small boxes of my figurine collections that I had packed up for probably the last 6-8 years. I'm getting involved in the community. I'm on the board for the local food bank. I go involved in a committee wanting to turn an empty building into the town's community center.  I don't want to live in a city.

I was totally hoping that if I got a good job that I could make arrangements to do a rent-to-own on this house with my dad. I didn't even mention it to him right now. I guess it's the thought of making that huge move AGAIN, that scares me. I hate moving. I did tell him that if DH is still going to cross to find work, there is NO WAY I will stay in Mexico with him over here. I just can't handle that. I can probably be there for a few weeks at the most, but not for a few months again. Too much stress for me. The last couple months in Mexico were so damn hard- I fought constantly with my MIL and my SIL, I had problems with a few of the other family members who just loved to spread rumors about everyone. I hated not being able to go anywhere. I hated not having certain amenities like a consistent hot shower and a dryer. Don't get me wrong, I love Mexico, but I can't live there again like I did before. I just don't fit there.

I just want to be independent again, and not have to depend on my dad for everything. I feel so bad that he is starting to feel he can't afford to take care of me, take care of my sister and pay her rent, plus make two house payments and take care of my step-mom's 87 year old cousin, all at the same time. 

But how much longer until I actually get a job? I've been here since October... I've applied to so many damn jobs I can't even keep track. I've only had ONE flipping interview and they end up hiring someone else. It's been 5 months already. My stress level has not changed at all from being in Mexico vs being here, well, maybe just a little better, but running back to Mexico is NOT an option for me. People are mean. I already know that his cousins will start the rumors that I was so stupid I couldn't get a job so I came running back like a dog with his tail between his legs. The job situation problem is partially limited by my transportation issue and partly my huge gaps in employments, and partly the fact that there is not much out there and so many people are applying for the same damn jobs...


Monday, March 19, 2012

Oh be still my heart! William Levy is YUMMY! I have not watched Dancing with the Stars in years, but I'm now going to watch EVERY MONDAY NIGHT JUST TO SEE HIM!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I'm crazy

Bonkers really, insane, off the wall, whatever...

Wanna know why?

I've been chatting with a friend on FB, who has an amazing blog (, but we've been chatting on her fan page.  Here is how the conversation has gone so far:

I need to move. far far away
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