Last night I received the shock of my life. My mother is dead
How did I react? I bawled. No, bawl is not the right word. There are no words to describe how I felt. How I feel right now.
My mom had Huntingtons disease. We already knew there was a possibility of an early passing. Some people only live a few years after diagnosis, while some can live a few more decades. My mom about 2 decades past her diagnosis. She was one of the ones who started to deteriorate fast. Her correa (the involuntary muscle movements that is typical of Huntingtons and Parkinsons) got worse as the years went on. Her memory also started to fade, but not as quickly.
I'm suffering from the child's guilt. I never called her back two weeks ago, the last time she called. I also deleted all of her voicemail messages. I'll never hear her voice again.
I spoke briefly with her three weeks ago, and said I had to call her back because I had to drive somewhere. I didn't.
My only hope is that she passed peacefully in her sleep. That would be my only comfort.