Saturday, July 26, 2008

Depression Blues

This week I was diagnosed with ante-partum depression, and prescribed Zoloft. I've had depression for a number of years now, but have never tried to get help. A few things that have happened in the last year triggered more of a downfall for me, and getting pregnant didn't make it better. I just started this week actually taking the medication. At this point in my pregnancy the doctor said that there were less risks to the fetus from the medication because his brain is pretty much developed as well as everything else. If I had started on the meds earlier, there would be a higher risk of developmental delays and such, but even then those are still not 100% certain. I felt that any risks would be outweighed by the benefits to me. I just want to be happy, and feeling comfortable with this pregnancy and not get worse when he is born. My dr also said that not getting the help and medication could be more detrimental to the health of my baby.

Since I've never taken any medication before to treat depression, I was put on 50mg to start, and told about all the possible side effects. I pretty much knew what to look for because I've done tons of research on the net about available medications and such. I was always afraid that nothing would ever work for me, or I would be one of the unusual cases of severe side effects. But again, at this point I just need to be feeling better. I have tons of other problems going on at home, and I want to straighten those out as well, but I can't if I'm not mentally well. So that is my top priority- get myself well so I can deal with other things. Also, as long as I am well, I know that my baby will be well.

Last journal entry from July 7

Now since this is the last journal entry I did, I think I feel comfortable enough to continue with the normal postings!!

I've been feeling very nauseated the last few days. I'm not getting the "Morning sickness" again. I've known others who got sick again the last trimester, but I don't want to deal with that.

Saturday I had a really bad cramp, but it was on the right side of my belly. It felt like the charlie horse I had in my leg- made me want to faint and nearly throw up. That was really weird and scary. It lasted about 5-10 minutes. I had another on my left side the next day, but it was very light, not like the first.

My appointments are now every two weeks. As of today I'm 30 weeks. I am also going to a Lamaze class with DH every Thursday night. Last week, July 3, was the first. It was interesting. I understand more about what is going on in my body and why I'm getting the aches and pains I do. I think DH was glad I made him come as well.

Well, since that first class, we were unable to go back. DH couldn't get off work in time and has been coming home by 8 or 9pm. He wants to get as many hours in as possible so we can try and start saving money again, plus he wants to be able to pay off a few debts before the baby is born. The most important debts we want to get rid of are the bank debts. We'll see if we make it!

Also, my doctor said that my side cramps were probably my uterine ligaments cramping up. I honestly have not done much exercise this time around, and it's getting harder to walk around. This entire pregnancy has been very different from the first two. I continue to have side cramps, but I'm trying to do some extra stretches every day. I feel stupid not to have continued my workouts at Curves, but it's too late to change things now.

Journal post from June 13

I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm starting to think it's too much. A friend has been helping me with organizing my life- starting with the visual mess. First, she, along with my SIL, went through my room throwing away whatever looked like trash to them and putting all the clothes into bags to be washed. What is happening here is overwhelming me so much I can't even write about it. And DH is acting like he doesn't care what is going on.

I needed the help really, I did, but this is too fast. And DH not being at home to help me or even just so I can talk to him about my feelings is not making this easier.

I'm not dealing with this well. Today my SIL helped organize the closets. She also decided that the living room needs to be rearranged and moved the furniture around. I hate it.

Well, after all that, I never tried to move the furniture back. It's still the same. Only what I'm trying to do is convince DH to get rid of the sectional he brought home, because it's taking up so much room in the living room, plus it's really nasty dirty now. And it's falling apart,and I cannot sit on it because it's so low to the ground, that's how old it is. He only brought it home because he thought we needed a new couch. Well, we sort of do, but not an old, falling apart, dirty couch. New is new, and that's what we really need. Maybe I can convince him this weekend that we really don't need it in the living room, especially since we need to have as much room as we can for the baby...

Update on post from May

I wanted to go back and update the situation I wrote about in this post.

First my SIL. She decided to move back to her apartment after about six weeks. At first, her ex was supposed to move out and claimed he would help pay the rent until she could find a job and/or get housing. Well, guess what? Stupid her allowed him to move back with her. After everything that happened between them, I had a sneaking suspicion that would happen, but she doesn't want me to tell her brother otherwise he'd get really pissed. I wouldn't blame him either. DH really hates that guy for what he's done to his sister. Anyway, the only good out of this is that my SIL decided that she would allow my niece to come live with us temporarily so that she can stay in school here. All my SIL needs to do now is to get some papers signed giving DH and I legal temporary custody of our niece allowing her to live with us and deal with anything that happens in school. She better hurry because school starts in 3 weeks.

Now to the immigration problem.

We got there and were told that we wouldn't be interviewed like they originally said we would. Turns out the judge already had his desicion. His explanation was that because he is only an admistrative judge for immigration he does not have the authority to base his decisions on anything other than the written fact. Therefore, he had to deny DH's petition to cancel removal proceedings. Here's the catch: we still had the right to appeal. So we said we'll appeal. Which means another year at least that DH can stay legally working until we hear from the appeal court. If that desicion is still a no, we have the right to appeal again to the 9th circuit court. Our lawyer said that we are lucky that we are living in CA because in any other state, the judges ruling would have no appeal possible.

What this means for us is another $3000 out of pocket, another year of waiting, and the possiblity that we will have to do another appeal. We've spent already $6000 on the case. Dont' get me wrong- it's worth the time and money if it means we still have a chance at a normal life together, but it's money we really don't have lying about, KWIM?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Next journal entry from Feb. 26

My first sonogram was yesterday. That showed that I'm 11 weeks. But it doesn't make sense. Dec 26 was the only day I could have possibly conceived. I should be at 9 weeks. But the nurse said that the sonogram is the most accurate, more so than counting from the start of your last period. So what does that mean? I don't know. Do I want to? Who knows.

I had a nice conversation with my dad today. It's been nearly 5 mo since I've talked to him. It was comforting. I miss him and my sister. She's been working at Costco part-time, dancing three nights a week, and taking classes at Portland U. I have yet to talk to her but she seems busier than I am. Dad sees her every few weeks, helps her with groceries, but he says she's really happy. I'll talk to her soon.

Maybe one of the most interesting things that dad told me was that he forgave my mom for the things that she did that led him to want a divorce. I still don't understand the full details but I honestly don't want to know. I know enough. He's found his peace with God and said he felt the need to forgive her. I guess that's good. Now it's up to my sister to reach the same point. Dad says she still thinks that mom will burn in hell for everything. I don't know what to say to her.

What I didn't write down was that because of the ultrasound my due date was changed. When I first went in, they based my due date calculated on the first day of my last period- making my due date September 25. Then I go in for the next appointment with the ultrasound, the measurements of the fetus were at 11 weeks, instead of the 9 I thought I had. A few days after that, I finally got the nerve to call and talk to one of the nurses and ask why there was such a discrepancy. For some reason when they calculate based on the menstrual cycle they have more potential of getting the date wrong. So they always check the ultrasound for confirmation. Whatever the ultrasound measures, then that is what they go with. What that means is that my due date was changed to September 15. The nurse said it's fairly common for the due date to change based on the ultrasound. Well, we'll see what really happens!!!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Journal entry from February 18!!

Well, this entry was made the old fashioned way, with a pencil and a piece of paper. At that time both my computers were down, no internet, and I was flat on my back, as you will see...

I should be blogging, but since I don't have internet for now I will just write the old fashioned way- Boy already my hand is cramping!

I've been sick for the last two weeks- for some reason it seems like the month of February always starts off with me sick. Anyway it started Monday the 4th. I cam home from school shivering uncontrollably, so I lied down on the couch with a blanket and tried to sleep. I'm pretty sure I had a fever. I ended up sleeping pretty much all day for the next two weeks.

Friday the 8th I had a DR's appointment that lasted a couple hours. So that was the only day I went out that week.

Now I have my appetite back, mostly. Lost of things are different this time. Any smell of cooking meat makes me nauseaus. I wasn't like that with either kid, so we'll see what happens over the next few months. I've also been getting strange cramps, bu only in the evenings and only every few days. I hope it's just "growth spurts."

My next appointment is tomorrow- early at 8:30am.

To top it all off, I was throwing up daily for those two weeks. I couldn't tell if that was flu related or pregnancy related, but I'm sure it was a combo of both. I ended up loosing almost 15lbs because I couldn't eat anything other than a few saltine crackers. Of course, once I was able to eat again, it came back right away.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Great news (for me at least)

I'm finally able to get into my blog to update without fear of my computer shutting down on me during the middle of a post!

I spent $300 on having my laptop repaired- there was a virus or two, the internal fans needed to be replaced so the computer would not overheat and shut itself down, and the computer guys had to do a complete back up, remove everything and re-install everything. Now the darn AC Adaptor isn't charging my battery properly, and the battery won't stay charged as long as it should. I could perhaps buy another couple of batteries, but how in the heck would I charge them back up?? And the computer guy said to replace the connection for the AC Adaptor would be about another $300! I might as well buy a whole new darn laptop. :(

At least I finally got my desktop fixed!!! WHOOHOO! That only cost $165 total to fix. I had to have the power source replaced. And the internet finally works on it as well!!

So that's what I mean by not having to worry about the computer shutting down on me in the middle of a post- I have my desktop up and running, and I won't be using my laptop for the time being. I'm going to try and save up for a new one. Who knows how long that will take!

I think I will also post some of my journal entries that I did when I didn't have a working computer at all. Someday I'll be glad I did!!