Sunday, February 26, 2006

I found this article on Internet Based Moms, one of the wahm forums I frequent. It says a lot...

Let's Face it, every mom has had one of "those days". The baby is feed and dry but very fussy, your child forgot to tell you about a science project that is due tomorrow and hands you a list of 10 things that you must get from the store, you forgot the roast in the oven and now it is dry and your husband just called to say that he is stuck at the office... again! After a day like this, it can be very hard to keep your stress level low. With each passing minute you may feel your stress and irritability rising, your patience getting shorter and your fuse about to blow! Calgon Take Me Away!!

When you feel the need to escape and take a few minutes to yourself to de-stress, follow some (if not all) of the tips below.

Put yourself in time out: Allow some alone time for yourself. Use this time to focus on you. Find a place in your home that you can go to and find privacy. You can ask your partner or a friend to take the family out for a few hours while you enjoy your alone time. Do nothing, sleep, read, watch a movie, and just enjoy your solitude.

Call a Friend: Rather than yelling at your husband or your children, try picking up the phone and vent to a friend. Be sure not to vent AT her, but rather tell her about your day and get it all out. If she offers you some advice, listen and soak it in. This mini-time out session will leave you feeling heard, de-stressed and you will find that by the end of your call some of you anger will have dissipated.

Play: As adults, we sometimes forget the beneficial value of play. Play stimulates our imagination, encourages our creativity, boosts our energy, and best of all, it is fun. Try a game of tennis, a game of cards online or perhaps invite some friends over for an evening of adult board games.

Meditate: Meditation has been proven to reduce your blood pressure, and helps to dramatically reduce your stress level. Meditation and/or prayer will help you to keep in touch with your spiritual side. Meditation is a very effective method of relaxation. To meditate, quiet your mind and allow yourself to focus on one thing, such as your breath. Find a relaxed comfortable position where Try visualizing good health and peace as you inhale. While you are breathing out breathe out all of your stress. Set aside approximately 20 minutes for this exercise. Upon completion, you will see just how much more relaxed your mind and body is.

Take a nap: Find a quiet, comfortable spot and take a nap. Even a short power nap can leave you feeling refreshed, renewed, and more focused. Studies have shown that people who spent 30 minutes each day napping had one third less heart disease than those who didn't nap.

Eat: Not just anything but certain things. Studies show that certain foods can help reduce stress. Carbohydrates will actually soothe you. Good sources of carbohydrates include rice, pasta, potatoes, breads, air-popped popcorn and low-calorie cookies. Experts suggest that the carbohydrates present in just one baked potato or a cup of spaghetti or white rice, is enough to relieve the anxiety of a stressful day.

Movie Time: If you don’t have anyone to watch the children for you while you de-stress. Put in one of their favorite movies, supply your children with a few healthy snacks, and have them occupy themselves for a little while so that you can take a breather. Don't feel guilty for taking time out to rejuvenate your mind and body. Being a mom is not an easy task and it is a full time job. Take a break when you need it and be sure to ask for help to keep the stress at bay.
============ Aurelia Williams, Certified Personal Life Coach and owner of Real Life Coaching. Are you looking to reduce your stress? Join our Stress Less program. Free Consultation included.

If it was only that easy...

Friday, February 24, 2006

Depression, I'm ready...

Oh, boy. After reading a post on a support forum, I started to get depressed again. It's the alone issue again. Like I posted before, but there is more to it. Here's what I posted in that forum:

My husband always has more time for his "buddies" than his family. We've been together for 10 years, celebrating our 9yr wedding anniversary March 28. He has so many projects that he wants to do around the house, but the minute he gets home, either his butts on the couch with the remote in his hand, or he throws himself onto the bed and is "dead asleep" within a minute. The other difference in our stories, we live with other people. My SIL and her family live with us (4 of them) and three of my husbands cousins. Currently, we live in a 3 bedroom house: We have the master bed and bath, my kids share a room, and my SIL and her fam are in the 3rd bedroom. The cousins live in the garage. We do not own this house, just rent it. So the messiness of the house is intolerable, but between me and my sil, no one else will do any cleaning. In fact, she does the majority of it, and hardly lets me do anything. If I say, I'll do it in a minute, she will not wait, gets mad at me and does it right away. That's beside the point. Our room is a pigsty. I beg him to put his dirty clothes in the dirty clothes bin, but of course, it piles up in the bathroom until I pick it up. And he leaves his shoes everywhere- kitchen, bathroom, living room, outside; and he wonders why I don't know where everything is... He works in contruction, so he get's paid fairly well enough for us to afford for me to stay home. Unfortunately, he has to spend his money on beer, pool, and other unneccesary stuff, and always wonders why we can't pay bills on time. I started a home biz, but it's growing slowly, and I won't be able to help out for at least a year. So in the meantime, he complains that we don't have enough money, and want's me to find a job again. I've not worked in one year. I enjoy the time with my kids, and I don't wan't to have to work again. I'm giving myself until Septemeber to make a modest check with my home biz. If it is still not enough, then I'll find a part time job while the kids are in school. But I can't right now. It's funny because he always complained about me being away from the kids and working too much; begging me to quit my job and stay home. Now he is begging me to go back to work. If I can't get the housework done when I'm home all day, how in the heck can I accomplish it if I go back to work? He say's he'll pay his sister to do everything, including our laundry. I'm sorry, that just doesn't sit right for me. I will not go back to work so I can have someone messing with my personal belongings. It irks me when people try to help me with personal chores...

But that's not it either. There's much, much more. I'm close to having a nervous breakdown. The problem is with having to live with other people, and his issue with not wanting to try to live just the four of us. He claims that since I can't accomplish all the chores with help, then I absoluetly will not be able to do them by myself. It's not the fact that I can't do them, it's the fact that there is so much to do, and no one except his sister trys to help. Even she cannot do everything by herself. I'm not superwoman, and he make me feel like I have to be. I finish cleaning the kitchen and within ten minutes it looks like a warzone again. Just the other night, both he and his sis complained that I spend too much time doing other things when I should be cleaning. I should be cleaning in the morning and then doing the other stuff in the eveneing. Ok, when have I ever cleaned during the day? When I worked at Target, I would always clean when I got home, since it was the only time I had to do anything. So, now, despite being home all the time, I still can't do any cleaning in the day time. Ok, some things like laundry and cleaning the kids room I do dayside, but other things like the kitchen... I don't see a point of cleaning if in five minutes or less it will be dirty again. Better clean it when it will stay clean for a few hours. Of course, if we have guests, which is rare, then it would be clean dayside. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I can't go on... then for sure you'll see my pix in the paper "Desperate Housewife Pleads Insanity..."

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Do I Dare Go ON?

So, July 15, 2006 will be a big day for me. Finally, after 4 long years, I will graduate from the University of Phoenix with a dual bachelors degree in Biz Managment and Biz Admin.


But here's my dilemma... I really don't want to stop, but I want my life back and the time with my family back. I'm considering continuing for my Masters degree, either in English as a Second Language, or getting my teaching credential for music.

Tonight was supposed to be my very last class before graduation: the capstone course. But of course, I am short a number of credits that are required to graduate, so I have four more classes scheduled. Boo Hoo. Everyone was emotional, only a couple of us have one or two classes left, everyone else is completely finished. My very last class, officially, ends five days after the graduation ceremony. Everyone is asking me why don't I just take a CLEP or DANTES test to get out of the classes, so I can live my life again. My response to them is I don't know. But really, I kinda want to take these last four classes. It's kinda in my line of thought right now. The next class I have scheduled is on world religion. Then I have human nutrition, human motivation, and then finally business literature. I'm kinda intrigued by the names of the courses and wonder exactly what I'll be learning. It's that life-long learning idea: you never stop learning.

So what am I to do? I'm gonna be saddled with over $30 thou in student loans starting in 2007, I don't want to get a part time job to pay back the loans, my home biz is going slowly (so totally my fault), and I really want to be with my family and do more things in life. BUT I also want to continue my education, and get back into the music scene I so boldly left 9 years ago when I got married.

So that's my dilemma. I want to eat my cake now, not later.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Spring Cleaning Time

And I want to scream!!! We have such a mess that I don't know where to begin. DH has so many clothes that he doesn't wear, and he complains that he has nothing to wear. Wait a minute... isn't it the woman who usally complains that she has nothing to wear? I have lots to wear myself, just nothing fits. But clothing aside, right now there is no place to store things. All his clothes are piled on top of the dresser, with some of my stuff inside. My clothes are piled in a box next to the wall because I have no drawer space. We really need to buy new furniture, but we can't afford it right now. I think that I will have a garage sale this week!! Get rid of his stuff, and some of mine that I know I won't wear. And maybe some of the kids stuff as well. I already have a box of toys that they wanted to get rid of. That shocked me. My kids wanting to get rid of toys. So we have things to sell at a garage sale, just have to organize them to have a sale. HMMMMM, maybe I'll get rid of our old tapes too at the same time. I gotta get dh to bring boxes out of the attic so I can go through them. Better now than when we have to move. Don't know yet when that will be. Another month, two weeks, a year? Oh, and speaking of house... the owner put in a new window and a french door, made a huge mess in the living room. Right now we really can't spend time in the living room like we used to. I'm gonna ask dh to try again to see if we can buy this house. Not that I really want to, but we are so used to living in a house that I can't bear having to pack again. We really need to sign a rent to own contract with the owner NOW. We'll see what dh says. If he's willing to try and do some improvements himself to the place too. But first on the list is cleaning the house and getting rid of things, just in case we really have to move.

Friday, February 17, 2006

What am I to do?

I feel depressed when I'm at home. Maybe it's seeing the mess I need to clean. Maybe I associate the house with being alone (read my last post to understand). Or maybe it's because I live with too many people. Why is it that housing is so expensive that people have to have others living with them just to afford rent or mortgage payments? The house we live in now is a rental. The owner want's to sell it, but we can't afford to buy it from him. We pay $2,200 a month for a 3 bedroom 2 bath house. We used to have a pool. The owner decided that it was too expensive to maintain it and drained it and filled it in. Now he's trying to remodel parts of the house while we are living in it. Like today- he tore down a window and a door and covered the holes. He says he will come tomorrow and open a new hole for a new window and door. We had a separate room, which should have been the office, but we rented it out for $400 a month plus bills. He is making it bigger now and adding a bathroom. Where my kids room is and my sis-in-law is, he wants to knock down the walls and move them three feet out, making the rooms bigger. There is lots of mold on the walls and ceiling in both rooms, and he figured he'd just tear down the walls and fix the roof to clean up the mold, instead of washing it and painting over it. I guess that's a better solution, but right now those rooms are really cold. Oh, and on top of all this, we can't turn on the heater because rats have made a nest inside the pipes. We have had a problem with the rats since May of last year!! I wan't out NOW!! Actually since September of last year I've wanted out!! NO, I lie, I never wanted to move in to this house!! But Mr. Significant Other didn't wan't to listen to me, and now we are stuck with this problem. He asks me to look for another place, but we can't afford anywhere else, if we rent or buy a house. He won't even consider going back to an apartment or moving to a condo or townhouse. He absolutely has to have a house. There's a house on the street behind us that's for sale, but he says that there is not enough sun there. He's being too picky. It's really pissing me off. This is just one more thing that gets me upset with him. WHAT DO I DO?????

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Valentines day is overrated!

What can I say? I don't dislike the holiday, just that I never recieve anything from my significant other. NEVER. We've been married 9 years, and he never gives me anything for v-day. This year he didn't even say hi to me when I got home from school. HMPH. I stopped putting my heart out for him a long time ago. Don't get me wrong, I still care for him deeply. I just feel that the love that we had 10 years ago when we met has dissipated into a dull routine. He only calls me when he needs help spelling something. Spanish is his first language, so he dosen't know how to write in English correctly. So I've become his dictionary. He has tons of love for his kids, and he demonstrates that everyday when he sees them. But me? There are days when he barely acknowledges my presence. He never wants to do things as a family, let alone just the two of us. Just last night we had a banquet for my son's cubscout pack, and he asked if he really had to go with us!! He has not participated in any of the pack activities, and I felt embarrased when I introduced him to the Den leader, whom I see everyday! Go figure. So for v-day I had more fun with the kids and their school parties, and a party at my school during class, that I didn't even worry about whether or not he'd get me anything. His sister thought that he would buy me flowers. Yeah right. When does he do that? Ok, he did surprise me on my birthday last year, which was the first time in over 6 years that he actually gave me flowers. I wasn't expecting anything from him anyway this year. Just like every year. Lately he's been talking on his cell phone late into the night, and drinking with his buddies instead of trying to spend time with me and talk. Could he be seeing someone else? Maybe. His actions point in that direction, but then again, I'm naturally paranoid. I always think he's seeing someone behind my back. Just now, I don't care as much as I used to. If he was, I wouldn't be surprised, since we never do anything. He hasn't even asked for sex in a few weeks, which is unusual. I'm never in the mood anyway, but I'll do it when he asks. He spends so much more time with his buddies and at work that I've been alone too much. Sometimes he'll be out until 3am on a weeknight with them (just sitting in front of the house listening to music and drinking). He only will cuddle up with me in bed when he is cold. Ok, so now I feel like crying. There's a difference in being alone and being truly lonely. True loneliness is when the person is there right next to you but won't acknowledge your presence. When he is home I feel more lonely than when he is working or away with his buddies. Enough now.

Monday, February 06, 2006

NEED TO VENT!!!!!!!!

ARRGGHHH!! What am I to do? It seems that everything I do, or intend to do, backfires on me, ALWAYS!

Ok, Thurdsay I woke up feeling crappy. I don't just mean crappy I mean utterly wigged out. I had no energy and all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep. But NOOO, that just wasn't possible. KIds had to get up and go to school. Ok, then someone else take them. Again, NOOO. I take them, walk them to the classrooms, and realize that something is worse than me just feeling wigged out. I was sick, but I couldn't begin to know exactly how sick I was. I get home and go to sleep, not before reprogramming the alarm clock so I wouldn't forget to p/u Marie. So it seems that by the time I finally drift off to sleep the alarm goes off. Get in the car, drive to school, and sit and wait until she gets out. Bring her home, get her settled, and go back to sleep again, reprogramming the alarm once more so I won't forget to p/u Danny and my niece Edna. But this time I only sleep maybe 20 minutes before my daughter bugs me. By the time I have to go get the other two, I feel ten times worse. I get to school, park and wait. Take the kids home, drop them off, and drive myself to the doctor. Wait 2 hours to be seen only to be told that all I have is the flu, my temp was 103, and there was nothing really that I can take to stop it. Well, maybe a perscription for 600mg ibuprofen to help my aches and fever. So I get it at Target, and come home and go back to sleep.
Friday morning, I don't want to wake up, still feel crappy. Marie now has a really bad cough. Oh NO! Don't tell me she's getting sick too? Too late, she is, so she stays home from school. SIL takes Danny and Edna to school for me, and picks them up too, so all I do all day is sleep.
Saturday I feel a little better. Clothes don't wash themselves, so I take the laundry to the laundromat and spend two hours washing and drying and folding little. That was a baaaaad mistake. Fever came back with a vengence, and I drifted into a sweating, heaving, chilly sleep from 2pm until the next morning. All I can say is- THANK YOU HUBBIE! At least he finally helped me out with the kids for the first time ever. I don't remember anything said to me that night.
Sunday morning, and I'm waking up at 9 am. I get up slowly, not sure if I'm alive still- ok, I can't cut the dramatics, that's who I am. ANyway, feel ok. Get some breakfast, boy was I STARVING! I guess that meant I was better finally. Later that day, Danny started complaining that he didn't feel well. Not him too? So here comes the screwy part of my life; I get in the car to go buy some meds for the kids and a thermometer, start backing up out of the drive way when- CRASH! HOLY $%*@! Put the car into drive and go back into the driveway. I hit the back corner of a friends BRAND NEW TRUCK, with my car, put a nice corner sized dent into the right front corner behind the headlights, luckily not damagaing them as well. There went my composure. I had to get out FAST! I parked, turned off the car and ran back into the house and locked myself in my room. Was I still feverish? HOw stupid can I get? I was thinking about my kids and not worried about driving. Nightmares came back of other crashes I was involved in (as a passenger, NOT a driver). THose had been really bad, I almost misscarried Daniel at 5mo pregnancy in one. I don't deal with trauma well. I finally had gotten enough confidence in myself to drive a car and I go and do something as stupid as what I did. Can't get back into the drivers seat again. Not for a while at least. Hubby doesn't get it. He wasn't affected by those accidents like I was. Not even in the slightest. Weakness from being in bed for three days with the flu made me stupid, more than normal. I think I need to see a shrink.