Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Strange dreams...

Not sure what to make of this latest dream...

So, it started out with me rushing to catch a tour bus of some sort, worried I would miss it. The strange thing about that was I was sitting in a classroom at my old highschool asking a teacher if I could go see if the bus had arrived yet...

So I walk out the classroom and run across the parking lot, where there are people setting up for a relay type gokart race. Um, yea... Told you it was strange!

Then, when I finally get to the supposed place the bus was supposed to pick me up at, my dream shifts-  now I'm walking with a group of friends through some sort of public market, and its late at night. Strange thing with this part- It felt like I was part of GLEE...

So then I'm just watching a few of the people in front of me, while I'm talking with a seemingly random guy, but hes part of my group... I dont know what the hell we have been chatting about but it seemed like we had been chatting for years. At one point we pass this bar stand (made me think we were in a tropical place) that had a sign "free beer at 11pm and 2am"  and I remember I looked at my phone and it was almost 11pm.  I say "sounds good, I could use one right now!"  

Then we are walking to some other part of the market and talking about different beer... I was watching the guy I had been talking to flirt with the other girls in my group and then walk up to me and ask me a question- which I dont remember but I remember my answer was "I dont talk to people about that!"  and feeling a little embarrased... Then we get to a booth that was playing music and anyone could request a song. So I ask for a specific song, and of course now I dont remember what it was... Then the guy grabs my hand and says "Lets go then" and I just smile and say just a minute... So he walks to the bar booth and sits down and I'm still listening to the song...  and the one thing I remember but dont remember when it was said, but I was asked by the guy if I had a curfew and I remember saying "I dont answer to noone, I am independent. I just rode in with those kids..."  and I was feeling... Excited? Nervous?  Not sure... Something though...

And like all dreams, just when you want it to keep going on so you know what happens next-  *BOOM*  I woke up.  It was one of those SMH dreams. What does it mean? And why didnt I really see a face of the guy I was talking to? All I could tell was that he was tall and broad shouldered and had brunette, almost light brown hair... 

All day I will be wondering.

Kira sandoval :o)

Saturday, March 02, 2013

Moving Forward...

Things are looking so much better... at the moment.

I did my taxes, got enough back to buy a car, went and took the written drivers test and passed, now I need to make the appointment and take the actual drivers test.

Now, having my car and getting my license means I will be getting my promotion at work finally... even my boss was excited to hear I finally have a car. She said, "I've been waiting FOREVER to hear this news!" LOL.

I've finally accepted that I am going to be alone for a while. I have some good friends, and the one guy friend I like will always be a good friend, and perhaps never anything more... and I'm cool with that. It's nice to have a good friend like him. My other friends are older than me, which is ok, but sometimes I feel that can be a barrier- like when I want to go see a movie, they don't like the same type of movies that I do, and I don't want to go alone.  My other friend who is the same age is going through some turmoil of her own, but I think things have calmed down with things that happened before between us. We did go a few months without talking at all, and I was ok with that, but now we are speaking again and hanging out again, I feel relieved. It's one thing to have a lot of friends, but having friends who are the same age as you is very different. We have more in common. Besides, where relationships are concerned- I'm not ready to get into a new one. Not yet. I will take a good friendship over a maybe relationship.

A few steps more and I will be in a good position to handle my kids again. It's been over a year. I'm a little apprehensive, but I know I can do it. Logistically  there's still so much to work out, but I am just going to continue moving forward and taking one step at a time.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Seven Life Lessons I learned From an Evergreen (share)

Seven Life Lessons I Learned from an Evergreen
By Eden E. Hopper

1. The evergreen tree lives up to its name every day of its life, staying true to its colors, even when the world is grey.
2. It shares its peace and beauty with all who come near it, no matter what they look like or what they believe.
3. It sways and dances, whispering strength to all its neighbors and its fuzzy little tenants, when the harsh Santa Ana winds come whipping up the face of the mountain.
4. It makes a safe, warm haven for those it harbors in its care, giving them shelter and comfort from the cold.
5. It bows gracefully when the heavy snows come down.
6. It stays firmly rooted to the ground through it all.
7. And last but not least, it grows just a little bit everyday as it strives to reach towards heaven!

Those are 7 things I need to remember myself! :o)

Thursday, February 07, 2013


I had this interesting encounter with a friend the other day. She is actually more of an aquaintance than a friend, but no matter... what she said totally surprised me.

So, I'm part of a group that has been trying to bring family friendly community events back to the town we live in. This Saturday is a dance we are putting on- a Sweethearts Dance. So I asked her if she was going, and she said, "I don't have a sweetheart." To which I replied, "well neither do I but I'm still going!"   And then she said, "but don't you have xxxx? Aren't you two dating?"   That's what surprised me.  So, of course I had to say "No, we are just friends."  And then she said, "well that's too bad, you two should be."  Another surprise!

Yes, I like this guy, but I have said it before- right now I have to focus on getting my kids back, and getting my divorce finalized before I start dating anyone. Its kinda neat that people are telling me that they think he and I should be together. ;o) she isn't the first, lol...

I don't know what to say anymore to the people who say that to me. Maybe I should just do what I did tonight when someone else said that- just shrug and say, "its not up to me."

Kira sandoval :o)

Sunday, February 03, 2013


Just wow... going and looking at stats and such, I saw that a particular post has been the most popular one on this blog... So I guess it's time for an update. :o(

We are not together anymore. Things have not improved since 2006. I am shocked that things have been as bad as they were for so long. I was blind to way too many things. Right now I am just doing my best to make life better for my kids.

The drinking dh did never changed. In fact, it got worse, and he got into drugs as well. :o(

He is currently in Mexico- he was deported in 2009. My kids and I followed him, with me thinking that things would improve, but I was wrong.

I'm too tired to go into anymore details... but I just had to comment on the older post!

Tired and sad...

It has been a hard week. On 1-25, my church family lost a dear member to pancreatic cancer. Today, 2-2, we laid him to rest.

So many things that surround me right now are making me feel extremely sad and depressed, and as much as I try to avoid them, they keep shoving themselves in my face. The loss of someone close makes me worry about my immediate family- my mom lives alone in California, and my dad lives two towns away, yet I hardly have any communication with either of them. They are both past 65, and both have health issues which could cause them to leave us at any time. :'(  I am depressed about that because I have not been the daughter I should be, helping them out or communicating with them as often as I should. 

That coupled with seeing a new relationship among two new friends of mine, and the stark realization that I am more than likely going to be alone, and a single mother, for many more years to come makes me even more depressed and sad. 

What else can I do to make things better, short of drowning out my sorrows with beer, as my soon-to-be ex husband always did.... I look for friendships that will support me when I need them the most and who will help me steer clear of destructive behavior, yet the ones who I thought would be that type of friend either have backstabbed me, or ignored me for reasona I cannot fathom. I look for distraction and friends who can help distract me, but without completely loosing my senses.

I HATE feeling lost like I do now. :( 

Kira sandoval :o)

Friday, January 11, 2013

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

HAPPY 2013

Its a new year, time to make some huge changes...

First, I will finally be moving away from crazy roomie.

Second, I am working on saving money to bring back my kids. The plan is to get them in July. I have no idea how much I will need, but the kids each have a hundred plus in their accounts, and I have so far a couple hundred saved... 6 months from now I will have at least another six hundred saved.  I think I will need at least two thousand five hundred to go and come back, and that doesn't count passports :(  Passorts will add another 3-4 hundred. Ugh.

Third, I will be getting a car once I do my taxes. I pray I will be able to get enough back to get a car, put some money towards my student loans and put the rest into savings... that would help my goal of getting the money for the trip.

Fourth, I will actually go get my kids. I cannot wait to see them. By the time I go get them, it will have been 20months since I last saw them.

Fifth, I will finally file for divorce. I cannot wait for that either. I will finally be able to move on and relax with my life.

There are many other things I want to do, but those aremy priorities... as I'm telling everyone, my only New Years Resolutions are 1- get a car, 2- get my kids, and 3- get a divorce. Anything else will be icing on the cake. :o)

Kira sandoval :o)