Monday, May 25, 2009

When did I loose control?

Somewhere, I've seem to have lost control. I don't know who my husband is. I don't even know if I ever knew who he was. All I can remember is that he is a good man, wanting to do good and help people, and an amazing father.

Lately he's befriended people that make me wonder if I got something wrong somewhere along the line. He brings these people to my house, allows them to stay over, and introduces me to them. Most of these people I feel are good people as well, just they are in really bad places right now. I just can't allow the stuff they do to penetrate into my household. Is that wrong? My hubby wants to help them, but I don't know how he can.

He's starting to act like a teenager again, sort of like he was when we first got together. I'm trying to make positive changes in my life to help my family, but I'm not sure if he even understands what I am trying to do. When these people are here, I put on a face that I'm always happy or just down to earth. But honestly, I am not happy. I want to be. I ask him to have them leave early because of the kids, but he just says I can't. I don't understand why. He gets mad at me when I ask that. But I tell him to think of his kids.

I can hear some of the people outside right now. I want to be friends with most of them, but their lifestyle doesn't fit into mine. How can I be friends with people who are complete opposites of me? Just thinking about that makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can't please my husband, and I can't please everyone else either.

When did I loose that sense of control?

1 comment:

  1. Are things better? Is your husband still bringing strangers to your home? If so let me know so I can offer some solutions. Cindy
    I stumbled on your site as I just got out of the hospital with cellulitis and was looking for someone who had been through this.

    ReplyDelete