Unsure of myself again.

I've had this "crush" on a guy for nearly two years now. We became good friends after being part of a now defunct community group. A mutual friend of ours at one time tried to get him to stop hanging out with me by telling him I was "obsessed" with him and he shouldn't be my friend.  After quite a few months I found out what she did only because she screwed up. Other people confronted me about what she was doing and encouaged me to confront her. Instead I talked to him. All I had to say to him was "can we meet up soon to talk about some things I've heard?" And that same night we went walking and ended up chatting for 4 hours!  At the end he said "I honestly believe that you and I can be great friends."  I never said a thing about how I felt about him. We talked about what was said by her and other things she did to exclude me. He did say he was sorry to believe most of what she said...

After that we hung out more often;  meeting up for coffee a few times (purely accidental I might add, lol), went to the movies a few times,  and had a couple other nights where we had gone to the community group meeting and left chatting and stayig outside chatting until 4 or 5 am! 

Then I went to get my kids back. We still chatted but not like before. I thought I had just read too much into our friendship and that he didn't have similar feelings for me.  I find out he had a gf right after I came back with my kids. That sort of upset me but there was nothing I could do at that point because I had just convinced myself he didn't feel the same way.

However,  just recently I found out he broke up with his gf after dating her for 10 months. And suddenly I start running into him more and we sort of start talking again. One day when I was working at Subway he comes in for lunch and when he saw me looking at him he gave me one of his rare smiles that only his close friends usually see.  I got the goosebumps!  He came again Thursday afternoon when I was working and I actually had the nerve to openly flirt with him just by joking around with his order and he just smiled that awesome smile again and I *think* he flirted right back. 

It's been years for me. I've been separated from my ex for 3 years now but physically and emotionally it's been way longer.  I have no idea how to tell if he really does like me and I get way too nervous around him,  lol.

He came in again today. He smiled for me but didn't smile for my coworker.  Last night I dreamt that I worked up the nerve to call him,  invite him out,  and then finally tell him how I felt.  Oh boy.  I honestly don't know what I should do.  :/  Numerous mutual friends have told me that they thought we had been dating or they thought we should date.

I'm so unsure of everything. This is all new to me. I mean,  after being with one person literally right out of high school and for 14 subsequent years really didn't prepare me for adulthood quite the right way.  I have no idea how to behave,  no idea how to approach someone I like.  I feel like I'm in high school all over again with this.  *sigh*

Summer

Friday marks the last day of school for Danny.  He'll then be a junior in high school.

Tomorrow marks the last day of school for Marie.  She will then be a freshman!  Yikes!

Gabe will be a kindergartner in September.

I feel old!

Mother's Day Blues

I don't know why,  but I'm feeling very blue today. 

I should be happy.  Its Mother's Day after all.

It doesn't help that I, at 1 am,  put on season 5 of Glee. You know,  the one that includes the episode that's a tribute to Cory Monteith,  aka "Finn Hudson."  Yea. I'm bawling now.

What's wrong with me?

May Day

I'm gong to be teary eyed ALL day tomorrow.  Danny's going to be honored as sophomore prince for May Day,  and then he's going to prom! I don't want my baby to grow up anymore!  :'(

It's been a while...

Seriously, nearly a full year to the day since my last post!

What has happened to me?

Well... (let's see if I can make this a short blog post cause it's after midnight I and need sleep...)

• I got my drivers license finally in May of 2013.
• I was promoted to Shift Manager at Arby's at the same time.
• In July I traveled back to Mexico do get my kids.
• In August, the four of us has a quick weekend visit to California so the kids could see their grandma.
• School started for the kids in September.
• Gabe turned 5 on the 15th of September
• Danny turned 16 in October.
• I turned 35 in October.
• I got hired to work at a school as an education assistant, in October.
• I started working full time the first week of December at the school and went down to three days a week at Arby's.
• My kids and I moved to a house the same week I started at the new job.
• A new year started! 
• I quit my job at Arby's due to stress in February, 2014.
• I started working at the new Subway in town on Feb 15th.
• My stress levels decreased IMMENSELY!
• Marie turned 14 in March.
• With my tax refund, I purchased a much needed desktop computer and printer, set aside money for the kids, set aside money for myself, and paid all my current bills in full.
• I'm finally remembering that I have a few blogs that were gathering dust in the dark corners of cyber space.

Quick enough summary for you?

When I'm not so tired and it's not after midnight, I will elaborate on some of those amazing things that happened with myself and my family over this last crazy year.

Until then!

Strange dreams...

Not sure what to make of this latest dream...

So, it started out with me rushing to catch a tour bus of some sort, worried I would miss it. The strange thing about that was I was sitting in a classroom at my old highschool asking a teacher if I could go see if the bus had arrived yet...

So I walk out the classroom and run across the parking lot, where there are people setting up for a relay type gokart race. Um, yea... Told you it was strange!

Then, when I finally get to the supposed place the bus was supposed to pick me up at, my dream shifts-  now I'm walking with a group of friends through some sort of public market, and its late at night. Strange thing with this part- It felt like I was part of GLEE...

So then I'm just watching a few of the people in front of me, while I'm talking with a seemingly random guy, but hes part of my group... I dont know what the hell we have been chatting about but it seemed like we had been chatting for years. At one point we pass this bar stand (made me think we were in a tropical place) that had a sign "free beer at 11pm and 2am"  and I remember I looked at my phone and it was almost 11pm.  I say "sounds good, I could use one right now!"  

Then we are walking to some other part of the market and talking about different beer... I was watching the guy I had been talking to flirt with the other girls in my group and then walk up to me and ask me a question- which I dont remember but I remember my answer was "I dont talk to people about that!"  and feeling a little embarrased... Then we get to a booth that was playing music and anyone could request a song. So I ask for a specific song, and of course now I dont remember what it was... Then the guy grabs my hand and says "Lets go then" and I just smile and say just a minute... So he walks to the bar booth and sits down and I'm still listening to the song...  and the one thing I remember but dont remember when it was said, but I was asked by the guy if I had a curfew and I remember saying "I dont answer to noone, I am independent. I just rode in with those kids..."  and I was feeling... Excited? Nervous?  Not sure... Something though...

And like all dreams, just when you want it to keep going on so you know what happens next-  *BOOM*  I woke up.  It was one of those SMH dreams. What does it mean? And why didnt I really see a face of the guy I was talking to? All I could tell was that he was tall and broad shouldered and had brunette, almost light brown hair... 

All day I will be wondering.

Kira sandoval :o)

Moving Forward...

Things are looking so much better... at the moment.

I did my taxes, got enough back to buy a car, went and took the written drivers test and passed, now I need to make the appointment and take the actual drivers test.

Now, having my car and getting my license means I will be getting my promotion at work finally... even my boss was excited to hear I finally have a car. She said, "I've been waiting FOREVER to hear this news!" LOL.

I've finally accepted that I am going to be alone for a while. I have some good friends, and the one guy friend I like will always be a good friend, and perhaps never anything more... and I'm cool with that. It's nice to have a good friend like him. My other friends are older than me, which is ok, but sometimes I feel that can be a barrier- like when I want to go see a movie, they don't like the same type of movies that I do, and I don't want to go alone.  My other friend who is the same age is going through some turmoil of her own, but I think things have calmed down with things that happened before between us. We did go a few months without talking at all, and I was ok with that, but now we are speaking again and hanging out again, I feel relieved. It's one thing to have a lot of friends, but having friends who are the same age as you is very different. We have more in common. Besides, where relationships are concerned- I'm not ready to get into a new one. Not yet. I will take a good friendship over a maybe relationship.

A few steps more and I will be in a good position to handle my kids again. It's been over a year. I'm a little apprehensive, but I know I can do it. Logistically  there's still so much to work out, but I am just going to continue moving forward and taking one step at a time.