I need mental help.

I'm depressed.

I'm upset.

I'm angry.

I'm sad.

I'm confused.

I'm an uncomfortable mix of emotions right now.

It's not just due to being pregnant- everyone knows that pregnancy causes you to be more emotional than normal, but this is ridiculous.

Today I wanted to scream, throw things, hit the wall, go for a long walk off a short pier, call everyone as many crappy names as I could think of, eat nothing but chocolate, turn myself into a fish and just sit in the tub for the rest of my life...

I have no support. I have no friends. Well, that last one is not entirely true. I do have very few friends that I can trust and talk with about anything, but none of them live remotely close to me. I don't have any local friends is what I should have said. DH doesn't want to sit and listen to me. The girls I hang out with are not the trustworthy type and if I did tell them how I was feeling then nasty rumors would start circulating about me and my family.

What am I to do??

The one person I really want to talk with is in a temporary communication blackout because she is moving. I don't even know when she will be reconnected to the communication world.

Sigh.

All I can do right now is dig myself into the internet and chat on the forums, write a blog post, and listen to music.

I don't want to be so alone right now. It's the worst sort of loneliness: to have so many people around you, living with you, and still be lonely. This would probably be called severe post-partum depression, but I still have 4 more months until I actually have my baby- so what would you name this type of depression at this point??

I'm so scared and worried about what will happen with DH in June. That's one problem. I'm also annoyed that no one in my household has lifted a finger since February to help with cleaning the living room or kitchen. And I've been asking for help since February to clean out and get rid of all the clothes we don't need in our bedroom-you can't even walk in there without stepping on clothing and the kids toys and garbage. Of course, DH says it's all my fault. How in the hell can it be my fault when I cleaned and then two day's later it's a mess again with all of DH and the kids clothes thrown all over the floor? And I have been asking them for YEARS to help me keep things neat, but do they listen?? NOOOOOO!

Ok, yes I'm lazy. But I do get things done. At this point however, I can't do it by myself, and that's what they don't seem to get. DH claims I never ask for help- yet he won't help me after I've been asking for help for the last 6 months. And of course the kids are worse. DH says I am expecting too much from them. Give me a break. They are 8 and 10. Certainly old enough to wash thier own dishes, do a load of laundry, and pick up thier own mess. DH is worse than them. All he does is spend his time watching TV, sleeping, and drinking with his friends- when he is not working that is. So he shouldn't be complaining that I spend too much time on the computer. If he would be more proactive in helping me and showing the kids that as well, then I wouldn't be spending so much time online. I need some way to escape from the real world, just like he does. He should be glad I'm not like some of his friend's wives, who go out to bars and drink the night away.

Enough. I'm getting even more pissed just writing all of this down.

I need more help than I'm getting, and I don't see any hope for the future the way things are going. :(