Falling down...

Dios mio, pero ando muy mal de la mente y del corazon horita. :'( 

Tonight everything just seemed to fall down around me. I don't know how much more crap I can handle with my current roommate for another 4 weeks, I'm missing my kids terribly, I HATE being alone. I've been alone for way too long.  I posted this quote on my wall on facebook a few days ago, but it really got to me- something about never make someone feel alone, especially when you are present... I have felt alone for at least 5 years... I'm starting to want to just scream and yell at the man I still have to legally call my husband and tell him to go fuck himself and he will never see his kids again, but I could never be that cruel to him. I just want the freedom to move on and have my kids with me at the same time.

Yup, I'm having an emotional breakdown right now. :'(

Prayers are always welcome. <3

The fucking rommate situation has me over the edge. She thinks she's a know-it-all, is extremely opinionated, heaven forbid you have an opinion different than she does or she will tell you that YOU are wrong and stupid... complains about everything I do or don't do... texts me at all fucking hours of the day to tell me some random shit that she just HAS to tell me and won't shut up when I obviously am ignoring her- she will say "did you hear me" over and over until I respond. ARGH! She allows he boyfriend to stay over a few nights a week, which is her perrogative, but he's just as bad as she is, and they FIGHT constantly. >.<  I was supposed to move in with another friend, but she bailed on me at the last minute basically, to allow her "boyfriend" to semi-move in... so I am stuck on this fucking couch for another 4 weeks.

Another friend, actually two friends, offered to rent me a room at the same rate I am paying now. One friend lives a good distance from the bus stop, the other lives 2 blocks from the bus stop. The one friend who is further away, however, is someone I like, a lot, and I don't think me moving in with him, although as friends, would help my delicate emotional state right now. The other friend knows that, and we sort of agreed that I could move in with her, however not until January due to family that will be visiting her this month.  This is the reason I am stuck with psycho roomie for another 4 weeks. 

Ok, I know I am really going out on a limb by calling her psycho roomie... I'm not so stable myself... but I have not once wigged out on her and her complaints or gotten into an argument with her, and I don't want to ever.

Then chatting this afternoon with my daughter on fb started the mood swing towards manic depressive and extreme sadness. How can I be sure that they are eating properly or have proper clothing when the money I send JUST FOR THAT is not being spent on that? :(

I keep reminding myself that if I keep working and start saving more, spending less on coffee and crap that I don't really need I can have my kids with me sooner. That was the original goal for me coming back to the US a year ago, or at least part of the original goal.  I don't know what else to do at this point. :'(

Kira sandoval :o)