I think way too much on things. I overthink, overanalyze, overworry... and most of the time I dissapoint myself.
I was the mastermind behind this party, and it didn't go as well as I was hoping, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. As much as I planned and worked on things, there was much left to be desired. I had this tension in my neck and head before hand, worrying about it, and now 4 hours after everyone leaves I still have the tension, only its from feeling dissapointed in how things went.
On top of all that, I feel lonely. Despite having been surrounded by people, I feel lonely. I'm struggling so much to keep calm and focus on saving money to get my kids back, but everything I do makes me sadder each time because I think- oh my kids would have loved to do this... I don't know how much longer I can handle being alone like this. :'( There really is no one I can talk to, no one's shoulder I can cry on, no one to comfort me and tell me that it will be alright. How much more lonely can one get? Even the biting 37 degree weather, rain, and all that doesn't faze me at this point. I know I'm asking for a lot. I hate these feelings.
No comments:
Post a Comment