I can't watch other people who are happy and affecionate with each other because it, conciously and unconciously, remind me of how my life used to be... and how it could be if I ever found someone to love me again. I can't even watch romantic movies, comedies or whatever, without feeling sad.
What am I supposed to do to get those feelings of hopelessness out of my mind? I feel as if I will never be able to trust or love someone ever again. Both my trust and love have been, in my mind, irrevocably broken. It would tae a true miracle from God to encounter trust and love with another man in my lifetime.
I cant settle for maybe anymore. I need to be happy so I can accomplish what I need to accomplish for my kids. Is it wrong to believe that I can only be happy if I have someone by my side that loves me and gives me the type of love that I didn't get before? :'( and what the hell did I not recieve before?
*sigh* I'm a complicated mess. I don't even know what I'm mising, only that I will know when the time comes... and when the hell will that time come, I have no fucking idea. :(
Kira sandoval :o)
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