Ok, so this one dream I had early this morning wierds me out. I am wondering what significance it has, since it was so vivid and I remember nearly everything...
I had decided to go for a walk, cause I was feeling upset about being told something. As I'm walking, I run into two friends. One was supposed to have gone walking with me but never answered my phone calls or texts. I said "why didn't you call me?"
"Oh," she says... "I wasn't planning on going, and I didn't want to bother you, but I'm done."
Well, I say "ok, whatever," and turned to leave to continue my walk.
About 10 minutes later I run into them again, and I say, "hey I thought you were done." And she says, "I am." And I am beyond frustrated at this point, so I turn to walk around the house where I ran into them. When I get to the front, they both had followed me, then call my name out saying "Kira wait!"
(Now at this point of the dream, I have already forgotten the exact words said). They both then start trying to explain what happened with this guy, and it wasn't what I thought it was. He just wanted to go have fun with his friend. I'm upset (this I remember) because I had texted him about something and never heard back, and then I found out he went to a bar with a friend... I was also feeling like he was ignoring me completely on purpose.
So I just say, "I don't want to talk about it. Why are you making this cruel joke on me?"
Next thing I know, I'm in my house, crying. And its the house I grew up in, but in the town I'm living in now. Two other people, who were there and whose faces were blurry, said something to the effect of "you need to talk to him, he didn't know."
I just sigh and say, "I should have known."
Then they both look out the window and say, "oh things will work out. Here comes so and so to help you."
I look out the window, and see another friend walking to the front door, and I start to panic and say, "I don't want to talk to anyone about this. I'm so stupid." Then I run to my bedroom and slam the door shut, and lock the door, then lean against the door, slide down and sit and start crying all over again, all the while shouting like a pre-teen having a temper tantrum "my marriage ended miserably and now you guys play this cruel joke on me!"
And then I wake up. Actually, my phone wakes me up cause I got a text, lol. But tidbits of emotions still surface from my dream. I just came to the conclusion a few days ago that my marriage is over but I cannot do anything about it until I have all 3 kids back with me. Surprisingly enough, a friend came into my life that I hadn't expected. Yes, I have what sounds like a crush on this friend, but I'm fairly sure he doesn't correspond. And besides, I am not looking, nor do I have plans to look until I have my childrens needs taken care of first. So going back to the emotions- I'm feeling left out of a few things, lonely, hating not having something or someone to distract me from the pain of what I have to deal with... all the while secretly hoping that the friendship slowly turns into something else with him.
I remember another dream before that one- I was talking to him, trying to ask him to be patient with me because I had to have my kids back with me before I could even file the divorce, for fear of my kids dad doing something awful to prevent me from having them back. :o( That dream morphed into the one I talked about first.
Am I just going crazy? Am I letting my depression get to me again? I'm positive I had been seeing non-existant things. Yet, I can't get these dreams of this guy to stop. I know that right now there is nothing more than a new friendship. I need to be thankful for that.
I don't know how things will be resolved between me and my husband, but I am afraid of even letting him know my plans while the kids are living in Mexico. I'm a scaredy cat, actually more of a pessimist when it comes to dealing with this. 15 years of marriage. Its all I've known. I'm a naturally over-emotional person, and also tend to speak without thinking... that equates to saying more than neccessary to anyone who will listen. :/
When it comes to this guy, he's unlike any guy I have ever met. He's extremely observant for one thing. Is funny, silent a lot of the time, yet is not afraid to speak his mind. My other friend made an observation the other day that he seems like the "knight in shining armour" type of guy, with the urge to save the "damsel in distress" but actually helping out whoever needs it right now. The funny thing is, I thought about this as well. Heck, he is currently searching for his "Princess Bride." Actually, his public social media profile says he's looking for his "partner in crime."
*sigh* I just need someone to distract me, and I'm starting to get worried this "crush" is becoming an obsession, which I don't need. How can I keep these thoughts out of my head? :/
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