State of confusion

That's where I am right now. I'm swimming along the white water rapids in the state of confusion.

"What is causing this", you ask?

I'm torn between lives.

"Do what makes you happy!" you say.

The problem is I don't know what will make me happy. :o(

One life is the one I've only ever known. The other is unknown, but holds many new adventures. The first needs some major repairs, and I have put out a lot of effort to repair it but have not been successful. The second- again, unknown and that scares me.

Remember when I talked about feeling compelled to do things, that unexplicable feeling that I just HAD to get somewhere for some reason. That is a piece of the second life. I have never had those compelling feelings in my first. They scare me yet give me a thrill. What am I supposed to do about that?

If I can somehow mesh my first with the second it may work. There are components of the first that abolutely have to be a part of the second. Of course there are components that have to be let go of if I am to follow the second. and that's where I've crosed the boundaries into the state of confusion.  Am I yet prepared to let go of those components?  Am I prepared to let the unknown and more of these compelling feelings to lead me down that new path?

I simply do not know.

I want someone to cross my path and help me make that choice, even if that person doesn't realize they are helping me make that choice. Only, that type of person is also an unknown.

*SIGH* right now I just cannot think straight. I feel like I'm on autopilot. Except when those compelling feelings crop up. Then I feel like I stumble and get even more confused.

Ok. I think I've confused everyone enough. Confusion is not ideal at this moment in time. :o(